In This Episode of Hamson Man....

I'm Mr Brightside

2008-03-25T02:09:00.000+08:00

I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside

etc etc

Rock on~

For Those Who Didn't Know...

2008-01-08T13:46:00.001+08:00

Pheeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww!

*relieved*

A big thank you to those who supported me when I needed it, who comforted me when I was down, who prayed for me and my family.

A big thanks especially to my brudders, who was there when I needed them, who saw me when I was emo, who accompanied me when I just needed company, who accompanied me when I needed cheering up (by drinking and getting drunk and talking cock)

A big thanks to relatives and friends (whom I hope won't read this anyway :) ) who were there for me and my family when we needed them.

A very big thank you to God who answered our prayers and made us strong as a family.

Crisis Averted!

ALL CLEAR!

WEWEET!

xxx

Thank you Mr Impostor!

2008-01-08T01:56:00.000+08:00

No, it wasn't me who posted that resolution.

No, I don't have such a resolution, I'm more realistic then that.

Yes, Mr Impostor is damn bo liao.

Yes, Thank you Mr Impostor for posting something like that, at least I got a reply!

Yes, Mr Impostor has a small Penis and thus feels the need to make up for it by posing as someone else and making someone else look bad.

Yes, I know who you are.

Untitled

2007-12-13T14:07:00.000+08:00

Travis - Why Does It Always Rain On Me

I cant sleep tonight
Everybody saying everythings alright
Still I cant close my eyes
Im seeing a tunnel at the end of all these lights

Sunny days
Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong

Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining
I cant avoid the lightning
Oh, where did the blue skies go?
And why is it raining so?
Its so cold

XXX

And so on and so forth..

cheers~

Guessing game~

2007-12-12T01:11:00.000+08:00

Ahhhh long time no see!

Anyway before a certain someone kao peh me again, winner announcement!

Winners are... xyy, jessica, icestar and adam.

Sorry soo lim you are the sucks wahahah

PS: if u noticed, the pictures were in chronological order, that is, youngest to oldest... all u had to do was arrange the answers in order of timing...

So... I chiam you all 1xMac Meal...tell me when you want it..

xxx

Anyway, a new guessing game... no prizes but see whether u all clever or not...

was surfing through the web and saw this webbie... anyway they are all euphemisms... guess what they refer to!

Be your own best friend
Consulting with your silent partner
Discovering your own potential
Exercise one's right
Giving the half-blind dog a run for his money
Helping put Mr. Kleenex's kids through college
Making the world safe for democracy
One man band
Play five against one
Pulling your own weight

Some of them are funny as hell (i like numbers 3 ,6 and 8 the best), and some of them i just dont get (7)

ahh well.. lets see what kind of mind u have , and for a the actual webbie click here

xxxx

Sorry lah friends... today's post not as funny as the previous one... no inspiration lah... and yeah... had quite a good reaction for the prev one... till the next post!

Frequently Asked Questions..

2007-11-04T04:12:00.000+08:00

Me: "Where to find girlfriend?"

Good Friend: "Findgirlfriend.com"

Me: "From Singapore one leh?"

Good Friend: " .com.sg"

Me: " Live in Simei one?"

Good Friend: " .com.sg/simei"

Me: "Chio one?"

Good Friend: " findchiogirlfriend.com"

Me: "From Singapore one leh?"

and so on and so forth...

cheers~

xxx

Enter the contest and Win a prize!

2007-10-31T04:02:00.000+08:00

Ah So late still awake! 4 am still blog! Blog what blog! Go work lah!

*Stomach Growling*

Hungry sia...

Anyway, just spent the whole day and night doing up resume and cover letters and shit, and sent out two job appications.

Wish me luck!

Anyway, anyone got any openings for writers/journalist and the like? e-mail me...

xxx

Oh seems like I have new fans on my blog! Weeweet I'm getting popular, even with people I don't know!

I'm so popular I'm even killing people!

1*beep*2: hai! your blogs are killing me!! keep up the good work!The last time I checked murder was still a capital offence in this country, so I just want to make it clear to mr poh-lice reading this that I didn't actually kill the 1*beep*2 guy.

And yes SexyGirl, Kudos to you too! After all, you're just a randomly generated comment from a porn site, that tags on ppl's blog to spam them and to make ppl visit your site!

Ahhhh, the wonders of technology.. it brought us up-to-date information, information at our fingertips, and useless quotes from non-existent people!

xxx

Anyway, was doing up my resume and scanned my photos into my com, and voila!

Whats with the black shirts ?! Every single bloody picture wear black shirt! Somebody get the guy a makeover! He needs a new wardrobe!

Yes please, buy me new clothes.

Aaaanyway, got a game for you!

The pictures were taken (not in order),

In Poly Year 3
One week before ORD
Just Before enrolment to Poly
2 months after ORD
Just After BMT

So, the game is to match the description to the photos!

Put up your answers on the comment page of this post (NOT THE TAGBOARD), with your name, and the people with the correct answers will win a prize!

For example, If you think that the first picture was taken 5. Just after BMT, the second is 3. Just before enrolment into Poly and so on.. Type:

Stupid Game! 53412

in comment section located below. or click here instead.

Closing date is hmmm, 14th of November Midnight, or when I happy, whichever comes first.

So, send in your answers now!

xxx

Dont bother trying to ask me for the correct answer (However, if you are a girl and attempt to seduce me, *hint hint*, then i just might give you clues, or if you're good enough; the answer.. )

I'll only tell you the answer after the deadline (14 Nov Midnight or when I happy, whichever comes first, remember!)

HUNGRY! Eat now! Bye bye! Send in your answers ASAP!

*In the event of multiple answers, only the latest reply would be counted*

DAMN BOH LIAO AH !

Click the # COMMENTS (below)to enter contest

WHY??!

2007-10-26T17:17:00.000+08:00

Why Why Why?!!

Why can't I get It?

I do it everyweek, i make sure I set aside some time for you, I try and try and try again

I make sure that at least once a week I spend some time on it..

But I still cannot get it..

I spend money every week on you..

But Still...

WHy Why Why??!

Why do you do this to me!

I'm not even asking for everything and all, just a little bit will do

WHY I CANNOT STRIKE TOTO!

Prize Group Share Amount (each)No. of Winning Shares
Group 1 $3,178,685 1

ARGHHH!

So difficult meh! Group 6 prize $20 also shiok!

haiz... all my dreams are shattered...

I thought can no need to work for life..

No more car, no more house, no more parties at zouk..

No more multitude of babes surrounding me wherever I go..

Haiz

What must I do to get it..

SIAN AH!

I have given up hope...

2007-10-17T16:52:00.000+08:00

Suah lah..

Give up hope already...

Try and try and try for so long also no result...

How I see also don't understand it...

Damn Sian now...

Haiz.. Sometimes think I old already still cannot get it...

Facebook is to cheem for me...

Wahhaha what were u thinking?

Basket sometimes I think I really not happening...

Simi Vampire lah, simi slayer simi zombie lah..

What can poke can write on wall can be top friend...

What the fish..

I think I too old... people of my generation only know how to use friendster..

Not like you youngsters Nowsadays.. so cheem the thing also can figure out...

I think I just stick to friendster where I now have 156 friends...

Yes, I am not happening one....

Wishlist

2007-10-02T16:34:00.000+08:00

My Birthday is over...

I have no income...

I haven't strike toto..

My house outside got no tree that grow money..

Or drop from sky..

But a man can have his wishlist right?

So... wishlist from 2 Oct 2007...

A job (that do nothing and earn at least 2.5k.. and working hours only 4 hours a day, starting at 1pm and end at 5pm)
AC/DC T-shirt (anyway anybody know where to buy?)
A new handphone.. with CAMERA! (looking at the nokia 6300? how good not?)

And since I'm already day dreaming...

Porsche Carrera GT
Gibson Les Paul
VIP tickets to a rock concert
A magic lamp with genie that will grant me 3 wishes (the first wish I'll make is that I have an unlimited number of wishes)
Sexy babes (note its babes, not babe)
A life

So... who is friend enough to grant me my wishes? Or anybody knows any rich man that needs a god son, or any rich woman who needs a toy boy?

intro me please...

Can't think of a Title.. itle, itle, itle, eh eh eh eh..

2007-10-02T00:15:00.000+08:00

Aha~ So here I am! Blogging again after 2544621447933 million years.

Anyway, ORD, back to study..

Ha damn long never study liao cannot bloody concentrate... I remember the first week in school.. Got lecture notes in front of me, got lecture notes on the projector, got the teacher explaining...

I down there just kwah char boh. Look left right up down center see girls.

Ha~ Even now, 5 weeks into it, still can't concentrate.. But at least better than the first week.. but still damn destracted... And now I'm back to drawing on my notes again... Just like secondary school where Chinese Period was Art class; drawing in the chinese text all...

Anyway I got a question for you girls out there (not there are any reading my blog.. PS: dear friends, please recommend girls to read my blog so they know how hamsome, smart, suave and rich I am..)

Now the fashion for hair is what?

Seems like very little girls tying ponytail nowsadays... Sucks

XXX

Got a few questions that I have been wondering for awhile... Have a see and gimme your thoughts

If I google you and there are no results to show, does that mean you don't exist?
If you have no account on friendster, does it mean you do not exist?
Does having 300+ friends on friendster mean that you are not popular, and if you have 155 friends you are not?
What is the accepted criteria for adding people as your friend on friendster? Must you know them and talk to them frequently? Or they can be just, say, people who happen to be in your class?

Ok besides the first question, (which I think is a damn good MSN nick. Like being smart and witty and in-the-know like that...) recently I came across a few people take the e-mail list and add as friend. But really, I nowsadays not very hip and happening and in the know, but it seems "fren sites" like friendster and facebook and the like very happening. And then I see my own friendster account and I see only 155 people and I think I sucks. I got no friends.

Will you be my friend?

Something to ponder over...

XXX

Anyway, enough of talking Cock... to the main point of my post today!

Been listening to alot of songs recently; because suddenly I can use my MP3 player on my way to work and back! Wah!

So..

Take a listen to both songs below.. and note the similarities...

How same right?

Lol~ Ah recently the second song stuck in my head... Also dunno why.. but damn romantic like that...

Ahh any girl willing to stand with me in the rain with just a little umbrella...

(FUCK i keep wanting to spell umbrella as UM-BER-ELLA ella ella ella eh eh eh eh )

Fuck lah that song is damn irritating...

Ji Ki Shio Ho Shua.. Ho Shua.. Ho Shua.. Ho Shua.. Eh.. Eh... Eh... Eh... Eh...

Hmm i wonder who copied who...

any other umberella ahem... umbrella songs you know?

XXX

Anyway, another song.. piang this kind of song recently in my head.. Maybe I getting in touch with my roots...

This one funny like F

TIll the next episode!

Things you must watch

2007-08-20T00:16:00.001+08:00

Nobody reads my blog nowadays but what the hell...

For you loyal readers out there...

videos you must watch..

Get ready to laugh out loud.

If you dont laugh out loud i will give you 20 cents.

And so on and so forth.

Songs of my youth..

2007-07-15T03:49:00.000+08:00

HAHAH~ Now you all Die~!Lol~ brings back memories doesn't it?

A taxi driver man is what I want to be, but there are no customers who want to ride with me..

Calcutta! I am a Taxi Driver in Calcutta!

Remember when you heard the song?

When we were all young and innocent... Sec 2 or Sec 1 I still remember.. i was running around like and idiot singing this song at the top of my lungs, and all the girls in my class thought (Think, i'm sure they still do..) I was a childish boy.

Ha! remember that time? When you guys were wearing short pants, and the girls skirts have not risen above knee level yet. When you though Dr Bombay and Venga Boys and Aqua was cool. When Centre-parting was the look. When everyone had a comb (some more fierce ones had sharp combs..) and billabong velcro wallets (during recess time, when you wanted to take out money.... sssssssttt!) lol~

Studies weren't important that time. Exam time still go play counter-strike at the LAN shop. When you just started to realise the opposite sex wasn't as disgusting and smelly as you once thought. You thought that your centre parting and cool wallets were enough to attract girls. (Us guys are still clueless about attracting girls.. no matter how old u are haha~)

Ahh... the memories of youth..

Tried to get Tarzan and Jane on this blog.. somehow i cant... Barbie girl as well..

Hahah ~ WTF sia~ What kind of lyrics are these? My name is tarzan I am jungle man? You can touch my hair, undress me everywhere?

Lol~

You laugh... you laugh..

Don't forget at one point in your life you were singing along to these songs, back when you were using 56k modem to download from n aps ter....

Ahh.. the songs of you youth..

Nostalgic eh?

2007-07-08T21:59:00.000+08:00

Got a song stuck in my head.

Its Hinder's "Lips of an Angel"

I also dunno why.

Oh yeah, the previous post was published like 2 weeks ago, but somehow blogger couldn't get it up. Was fiddling around with blogger and ta-daa! it finally appeared.

And.. Ah CHoo!

Keep sneezing these few days. Enough sleep, enough rest, enough water. Even had some exercise! Waah! Clap Clap! But still sneezing... wonder who is thinking of me... is it you?

Oh, a tip for cheapos and part time drinkers... never "train" your drinking. Once your drinking prowess goes up, you'll never enjoy clubbing/pubbing/drinking the same way anymore. You have to drink more (aka spend more) just to reach the minimum level of high. Sucks.

And clubs/pubs without smoke look different.

xxx

WTF! I can't edit the title of this post! WTF is wrong with blogger?

Stupid lists..

2007-06-25T22:59:00.000+08:00

Back from my trip.

Didn't take any photos coz no cam... so here's a link to some of the pics on my friends blog.

xxx

Anyway, here are some things that I have learnt..

1. When people talk about putting on rose-tinted glasses, they are refering to alchohol. The more you drink, the better things/people look.

2. Some people can drink until they cannot remember anything they are doing.

3. People in there are damn fit, they eat damn little rice, walk alot, and don't sweat.

4. Money makes the world go round.

5. No matter how much I drink, I still can remember my name.

6. The sun is always too bright after a hard night of partying.

7. You lose your sense of humour and creativity such that you can't blog anything interesting anymore.

xxx

That's it. For those complaining I seldom blog anymore, its because i'm fast running out of inspiration.

Will you be my muse?

ARGH! GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD!

2007-06-09T02:16:00.000+08:00

CLICK HERE!

watch and die~ you all hongan liao~

IT was stuck in my head for a millenia~ i've got a useful trick: sing it to somebody else and it'll be stuck in THEIR head... like passing baton like that.

And they have to play the bloody song TWICE in a row~

THAIRAND~

2007-05-27T01:11:00.000+08:00

Going THAIRAND This June.

Anybody got any tips?

Can't speak Thai, the only Thai I know is "can you buy me lady-drink?"

A community service brought to you by Hamsome-man, superhero of the universe

2007-05-22T23:07:00.000+08:00

FREE MONEY!

GOT FREE MONEY! CLICK ON THE ABOVE LINK AND CLICK ON THE SHINY YELLOW BUTTON ON THE RIGHT.

Oh yeah.. get the letter ready, the PIN is on the bottom of the letter.

Confirm got one, 1 july sure receive one! chop stamp gurantee. ( or guarantee? or garauntee? Spell-check person please help...)

Sorry those under 21. If you girl and under 21 I can give you abit of my free money.

XXX

Anyway, serious time.

R3nce needs help. Serious help. From you.

No, not about getting a girlfriend.

No, not tips on how to sian char bor.

No, not your sister's handphone number.

There comes a time in one's life when one is hit in the face with reality.

That time is ORD.

No more farking around and behaving like a kid with no worries and everyday got money magically appear in your bank account.

Must grow up liao.

Sian.

So....

The background story is NTU,NUS all reject me.

Important question 1

Which course to go to?

I wish to take a media related course, as I think my hamsome-ness would contribute greatly to a company that is involved with selling ideas and products across.
So, now a choice between SIM's communication course, from RMIT in Australia, and MDIS's communication course, from University of Oklahoma in the US.

Another choice is PSB Academy's communication course from the University of Newcastle (part time) (No Alan Shearer or Owen there, its in Australia, dont ask why I also dunno. Ask Shearer) or the full time version.

I have a theory, formed from discussion in various ad-hoc committees and culled from learned professionals in the field (in other words, late night supper sessions and drunken conversations with friends-of-friends over beer and whisky) that the only thing that matters is the name of the school, not the topics covered in the course.

As long as your school choot mia can liao. Its not as if your employer knows exactly what you studied in school. As long as you got a piece of paper that says you got a Bachelor of something in something, and the crest at the top of the page is very fanciful and colourful, and the name is very cheem sounding, then you are half way there already.

So, based on that criteria, I went out and did an informal poll on members of the publice (which also consists of supper sessions and discussions over alchohol) and found out... absolutely nothing of use.

I wonder why.

Half said RMIT choot mia, the other half say Oklahoma famous. Everybody said that go Uni of Newcastle good because can see English Premier League.

So, dear learned professional who always visit my blog, i need an informal poll of which one is more famous.

1. RMIT
2. University of Oklahoma
3. University of Newcastle

Important Question 2

Should I study full-time and work part-time, or study part-time and work full-time? Or just do full-time studies and hope for money to fall from the sky?

Quite an important question. Working is not really about the money. Cost fees are not that big a problem. 13 to 20 plus k for a degree is about the same as NUS or NTU, and I can always take loan and pay off later.

What I'm thinking about is the work experience. If I work full time and study part time, when I graduate, I am superman. I have work experience (provided I work in a company related to my field of choice) as well as the piece of paper many colour and cursive words.

However, i might be too shagged out to concentrate to do well in both, as compared to studying full time and concentrating all my efforts there or working full time and working hard.

So... choices choices choice.

Any advice from all you beautiful people out there?

XXX

On a different note, anyone has any idea how to change the tag-board? to one that does not allow them robots to take over and type a href=yourmother etc etc?

a href to you too!

WTF~

2007-04-30T01:04:00.000+08:00

And now.. for one of those WTF moments..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7csvgL-G3E

all together now...
1..
2..
3..

WTF!

How to beat office politics... and other stories

2007-04-26T01:05:00.000+08:00

Comment on previous post:

Jane Doe said...
On a similar note, someone once told me men are like toilet bowls - You either use them, or they're already full of sh*t. LoL
3:23 AM

R3nce reply:

Ha~! Someone once told me that women are like.... arghh can't think of anything funny to say~ give me some time can? I think of witty reply...

*Anyway, go visit jane doe's blog. Got my hamsome pic there~ (shameless plug for myself)

xxx

On a side note, Mark Walhberg of Shooter fame was actually a rapper. (Ha~! don't belieive me right? I believe you owe me ten bucks.. you know who you are :) anyway, is that how you spell believe? or beleive? too lazy to check... I engrand are not so powderful anymores.. Where's the spell-checker of my blog who spotted the cigarettes mistake? or was it ciggarettes? or cigarrettes? or hoon kee?

xxx

And just migrated my blog to google... sibei boh liao lah~ never read the new terms and conditions.. die lah~ sekali chapter 34, page 2426, paragraph 56, line 92, sub-catergory 143, mini-point 1234, word 567 of the T&C is "Users are to pay $1 to google whenever the word Fuck is used" then I hongan liao~ Fuck Fuck Fuck

xxx

And finally to the main point of this post..

Got a taste of Office Politics last week. Left a horrible taste in my mouth, like after you drank a half-full glass of beer you thought was yours and your friend told you that he just vomited in that same glass.

Welcome to the world R3nce.

Anyway, according to the greatphilosopher Ecneralc; "The best way not to be affected by office politics is to ignore it."

So, here goes my tips on how to live a peaceful and productive life in the office.

1. Ignore all gossipers

When a colleague comes up to you and starts a sentence with "Eh you know ah, that day colleague X .." Close your eyes, let out a loud sigh, and assume the Lotus Position. After about 10 minutes in that pose, mutter a mystical-sounding phrase under your breath (eg: "abacadabra") and slowly unfold your self and resume working.

Take note of the time that you went into that position, and do the same thing at the same time the very next (working) day. That way, your colleague can't blame you for ignoring it.

Explain to him that it is part of your faith in the obscure religion, hamsomeman-ism, that requires you to meditate at the exact same time everyday.

2. Give total, undivided attention to the politician

Items to prepare : A bag of chips.

When the politician starts to give his campaign, tell him to wait a minute, and get the bag of chips out. Sit comfortably, and face him leaning forward slightly. Ask him to continue and egg him on with useless words like "And then?", "really?" "serious?" etc etc.

Munch loudly.

Give him your total attention.

If he does not get irritated, i'll give you my phone number.

3. Stop the politician

Whenever said politician starts again, ask him "why did the chicken cross the road"

If he wants to get back to his campaign, ask him the same thing again.

Rinse, repeat.

xxx

A bit the bored liao. Send in more tips!

And yes, at the end of the day, i still do not understand the need for politics. If you are good, you are good. You don't have to put someone down in order for you to be acknowledged as good.

Joking is one thing, talking about problems with colleagues to other colleagues is one thing, but politics?

Leave the politics to the real politicians. They are paid to talk cock sing song. You are paid to work.

xxx

Sleep.

Not Funny...

2007-04-10T20:28:00.000+08:00

Ha~ I also know not funny~ Any points for effort?

But not bad lah~ I blog on Sun, Today is Tuesday i logged on and saw 2 replies liao~ For a blog that was inactive for so long... not bad lah~

And yes girl.. I recognise the mole too~

xxx

As with all great ideas, I thought of the following while on the throne giving back to the world what I got from it.

xxx

Reasons Why Girlfriends and Ciggarettes are alike (And other stories)

1. They are expensive
2. You just want to steal one from someone else when you don't have one in your hand
3. Before you had one, you never cared about them. Once you've had one, you can never live without one (if you had a choice)
4. You look good holding on to one in clubs
5. They go well with alchohol

And why they are not alike

1. "Eh brother, Stng (share) can or not?" CANNOT LAH~
2. Ciggarettes don't work when wet
3. Ciggarettes don't nag
4. When finished with, you can't throw a girl down, step on her and walk away
5. You look like an idiot sweet talking to a ciggarette in public. Scratch that, you look like an idiot sweet talking to a girl in public too~

xxx

And girls (or the lack of them) and ciggarettes are just about the only thingsin my head these days.

xxx

10/10 for effort!

Humour? i'll be happy with a 5..

Nong Nong time...

2007-04-09T00:01:00.000+08:00

WAh Nong Nong time never blog liao~

PS : Post partly due to girl who said "blog leh", and you know how i can't resist girls.. too long without one liao.. so all you R3nce addicts say "thank you Girl!" I hope you really is girl and you is chio, then you can come and find me and I can blog you and you can blog me...

so.. to start off for all you R3nce addicts out there.. who missed the hamsome, charming, smart, sexy, sophisticated, sensitive-new-age-guy, and many other superlative adjectives ( side thought... "superlative adjectives"... a good name for a band or a song... "Let us put our hands together for... "The SUPERLATIVE ADJECTIVES!".. anyway, back to story), here's a treat for you!

2 PICTURES OF HAMSOME-MAN!

TADAA!

Hamsome sia!

Anyway, I don't smoke.. posed picture. Got this kind of specs and shirt and hair and hamsome face and ciggarette in mouth like movie star like that~ :D

XXX

Starting off first with an update of my life so far~

Still in NS, 5 more months to ORD, at present a clerk~ Ah well. FEll from the sky (literally) to the earth. Sucks to be me~

Injured my back somemore, might not be able to fly at all~ So. Sucks to be me~

Anyway, just doing what i can~

Enough of myself~

xxx

So, trying to write something funny and witty, just like my old posts from millenia ago so that you will come to my blog and read it often and introduce yourself to me if you are a girl, or introduce your sister to me if you are a guy, and if you are a guy without a sister you can alwas intro me your girlfriend, or your chio cousin, or your chio friend etc etc.

Shit.. still can't think of anything~

How like this? losing my touch!

Arghhh!

Okay I'll count down the topics that i have blogged before.

1. How to get girlfriend - Check
2. I see a girl that is very chio and she have boyfriend - Check
3. I want girlfriend - Check
4. Army stories - Check
5. I want girlfriend- Check

Anything else I missed out?

So.. what should i talk about next?

DIe lah.. have I really become so boring..

Ok... lets do a vote on what you want me to blog about next.

1. Girls I know (or rather... the LACK of Girls)
2. My ARmy life so far
3. The evolution and lifestyle of the common rheseus monkey, from the dawn of time till the present
4. Absolutely nothing
5. Myself

STILL NOT FUNNY LEH I!

Ok then! cast your votes in the tag-board! Or suggest new topics!

(Tomorrow don't need work ah! Go sleep!)

xxx

1 year soldier~

2006-09-08T20:20:00.000+08:00

Flashback to one year ago...

One man, one mission.

Pulau Tekong... 2005 AD..

Hamson Man films proudly presents...

Army Daze!

xxx

One year ago, I reported to the sunny island off the north east of Singapore. I exchanged my beloved pink IC for the green card of death.

And now, i'm here one year later... and what has changed?

Nothing much actually. Still have no rank on my sleeves. Still can barely make IPPT. Still having a tummy.

04/05 Enhanced B MT, A FRC, 04/06 A GC, H RSC, 40th BS LC.. and now looking forward to 41st BSLC.

So many courses, so much time, so much effort put in... but still a bloody private...

Now, a waste of time i admit.. but not a totally...

Nothing outward to show about this past year.. but i think (or most likely I hope.. ) that I have matured...

As they say.. what doesnt kill you makes you stronger..

But not strong enough. Not strong by 4 seconds..

And tomorrow.. friends and buddies from my BMT intake will be commissioned as officers of the Singa pore A rmed For ces. Many others have already been employed as commanders in the various combat units... All have been entrusted with the responsibility to safeguard their friends and families in Singapore, as well as the men under their direct charge..

Me? So far, I have been entrusted with the responsibility of making sure the left side toilet on the second floor of delta coy in S IS PEC is clean and free from dirt and bacteria.

Not bad eh~

The guy who scored 80% in knowledge test.. who got 9 out of 10 for peer appraisal.. who did well in his assessment that he was praised excellent by his officer.. who went through everything the course threw at him... is still a private..

While others who skived through the various excercises and took multiple medical leave and had poor appraisals and comment... are now corporals in units.

Not bad eh~

Lan lan lah~ Who ask you never pass IPPT~

Oh well~ One more year to go; let's make the best of it~

Cheers,

PTE J M Lim~

Happy 21st R3nce!

2006-08-19T22:52:00.000+08:00

Thanks Dr J. Tanks Dots thanks Flo. Who Flo? lol~! i getting old.

Real Girl: Sia lah~ Cannot use the nick "girl"? lol~ you got to be joking~! Find a more uncommon nick... piang~

xxx

Oh yeah had a blast~ celebrated my 21st in sispec with a nice 16km route march. And yes, I led the birthday song during the march. Ha~ Not shy ah r3nce!

Finished Nutcracker~ No joke i tell you the 2 men fire trench. But I damn proud. I and my buddy finished shellscrape and fire trench before first light. Some more my fire trench shape damn kilat somemore. Up lah R3nce!

POP next week I hope. Still struggling with IPPT... havent passed.. if cannot pass recourse.. only thing left is running @ 13:23.. sucks to be me.. PC running with me.. Up lah PC.. section mates running with me.. UP lah section mates.

Lazy liao.

Contact me to go out sometime. I'm bored..

Best commentary~

2006-06-16T02:06:00.000+08:00

Just finished the England Trinidad and Tobago Match, which England won 2-0.

And the best commentary phrase of the world cup so far goes to...

Gerrard strikes the ball from outside the box towards goal, but Dwight Yorke is in front of him and , hit by the ball, falls down.

He clutches his crotch and actually cries.. (Yes guys, we all know how painful it is.. everybody go owww...)

Commentator: "and he is hit in the... Michael Ballacks."

Muahahah~! Pure GoldI tell you~ Can't wait for the papers tomorrow.. and Ballack's reaction~

Sim Lim Special~!

2006-06-15T19:03:00.000+08:00

Ha~! Told you this was well thought out!

Am I smart or what?

Anyway, read on..

xxx

What's a Sim Lim Special? Nothing actually... All it means is that this is a special post, and I thought Sim Lim Special sounded... well.. special..

This is probably gonna be my last post for a while.. I probably won't have much time to blog anymore (blame the army... which seems to be my favourite catch phrase these days..) because of well... the army..

Another reason why this post is special is that this is one of the very very rare thought out posts. If you are a regular reader of my blog since the beginning of time itself (which you most probably are since I am so Hamsome..), you would notice that I have 3 main kinds of post; 1)The I-post-this-coz-I-want-to-get-a-laugh-out-of-you-post, 2) The reactionary post, and 3) The well thought out post.

1) The I-post-this-coz-I-want-to-get-a-laugh-out-of-you-post

This is probably my most posted post.. coz sometimes, i really have nothing better to do. Look through my blog and youcan find lots of this example.. they are usually very short and have pictures in them.

An example

2) The reactionary post

Second most common of my post.. Can't say I'm an emotional guy, can't say I'm a smart guy, can't say I'm a well read guy, (Although I can say I'm a hamsome guy).. but sometimes, things get on my nerves, things i read in papers or in blogs or just people getting on my nerves. And I react to them. They are usually quite long and deep in nature, and their timings usually coincide with big current events. Or 2, I'm so pissed off at something that I just, well, react!

Example 1

Example 2

3) The well thought out post

Ha~ This one really really seldom one. Sometimes I just think of something.. and spend the next few hours thinking about it, refining it, changing it, tumbling it over and over in my head. And then I blog about it, just to get it down on paper.. er... bytes.. So rarely can you find it in my blog that well, its hard to describe.. so here's an example..

Example 1

xxx

Haha told you so!

Confused? Coz you never read this post properly you idiot! Go back and read again.. this time.. clicking on the links~

Ass~ Dunno how to listen instructions izzit!?! carry on 20!

xxx

So..

As I was on the bus on my way home from work today (Work? What work? You sit around all day in the air-con room and get to book out everyday and you call that work? Yes. It's work I tell you. I should get combat pay. I combat boredom), as I was getting off the bus, there was an incident with this cute girl. Super cute. She small size, sall features, big eyes, long hair etc etc. It was a case of, you go first, I go first, no you go first, then nobody go first. Then she giggled. Damn cute giggle i tell you. I mrelted sia! Mrelt I tell you! Mrelt! Being the gentleman I am, I let her off first, following behind her.. when.. this guy came and put his arms around her shoulder.

Sian~

And I've finally come to the important part of today's post.. which is..

Why do all desirable girls have boyfriends?

By desirable, I do not mean 36-24-36, blonde hair long legs and big eyes. I just mean of comparable age, 2 legs, 2 hands, 2 eyes, a nose and a mouth with the relevant parts of the female anatomy. I'm not picky, as you all know, I'm so despearate at this moment I'll take anything that comes along... albeit with a ponytail.

And the thing is, almost every girl I know, as well as every desirable girl on the street, has a boyfriend.

Why?

Think about it. There are obviuously more girls then guys in the civilian world. Why? Coz all the guys are in army. But why is it that everytime I see a desirable girl they are on the arms of some guy... and not mine?

So how is this hamsome, suave, gentelmanly young men ever going to get a girlfriend if all the girls are attatched?

2 ways.

I could either snatch some lucky girl away to be my girlfriend from her undeserving, ugly, un-genlemanly boyfriend... or I could be a phaedophile and catch them when they are young, before they get into relationships (How young? 8 yrs? 6 yrs? 3 months old?)

Choice one is rather difficult is it not? How often does a girl with a boyfriend want to leave their stable relationship to get into an untested one? Often I tell you, but only if the guy is as hamsome as me. But normally, it doesn't really work that way. All those agreeing with me raise your hands. And even if you are as hamsome as me and manage to get the girl, there will probably be a load of emotional baggage along for the ride.

And me, being the nice guy I always am, will probably not want to break apart something which exist between two people, even for the sake of my own happiness. (That sounded noble, but it's more of an excuse to cover my humji-ness, ie: I too humji to approach any girl anyway... but thats not the point)

And so..

It's not fair, the world is...

So when will Clarence finally get a girlfriend? God knows. Haiz if only the point I made wasn't true... but it is. All those agreeing with me put your hands up.

So there's only one choice left.

But then I'll go to jail~

xxx

Sispec up next. Sispec, where everyone dies and is reborn again as a macho, lean mean killing machine Sergeant, If only you are physically prepared (Which I am not), Mentally prepared (Nope.) or just plain lucky (That would depend on, well, luck...).

So wish me luck.

I need it.

xxx

And still no Girlfriend.

LAUGH UNTIL DIE!

2006-06-07T23:27:00.000+08:00

http://www.transbuddha.com/mediaHolder.php?id=1854

Go! Laugh until die! Soompa! If u never laugh until die i give u money! 20 cents!

If u girl and never laugh, I give u 40 cents!

If u girl and u chio and u never laugh, i give u 60 cents!

If u girl and u chio and u are single and u never laugh, I give u my phone number!

Vulgar!

2006-06-07T22:50:00.000+08:00

kaninabuaychaocheebyefuckyounabeipussyvaginacuntlanjiaolampana
beicheebyebastardfuckercheesebunlunchboxmiddlefingermasturbator
wankershitheadshitforbrainsnobrainstupidassretardedmotherfucker
kaninabuaychaocheebyefuckyounabeipussyvaginacuntlanjiaolampana
beicheebyebastardfuckercheesebunlunchboxmiddlefingermasturbator
kaninabuaychaocheebyefuckyounabeipussyvaginacuntlanjiaolampana
beicheebyebastardfuckercheesebunlunchboxmiddlefingermasturbator
wankershitheadshitforbrainsnobrainstupidassretardedmotherfucker
kaninabuaychaocheebyefuckyounabeipussyvaginacuntlanjiaolampana
beicheebyebastardfuckercheesebunlunchboxmiddlefingermasturbator
wankershitheadshitforbrainsnobrainstupidassretardedmotherfucker
And the most vulgar of all....

SISPEC YOU!

Die lah How!

2006-05-30T23:08:00.000+08:00

Die lah how! Sispec in 3 weeks! How?!

Yesterday I try go and run~ Run 7 mins i shagged liao~

Die lah!

Come I show u sexy picture

Me, Soo Lim, Gerald and Muthi in Background..

See! Power!

Like that Sispec die lah!

Never mind I show motivation pic...

Ah! Like that more like it!

Wish me luck in Sispec!

Whoa sey! If only I knew about this earlier!

2006-05-05T01:11:00.000+08:00

Comments to my previous, previous post...

joeytheo23350955 said...

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5:25 PM

xxx

Whoa sey! If only I knew about this earlier!

Piang eh! Study so hard, pay so much for my diploma for fuck?! I can get a bloody PHD in 2 weeks! 100% verifiable somemore!

For fuck go university? FOr fuck pay so much money? For fuck study so hard? All I have to do is pick up the phone and call, and I'll get myself a bloody degree!

Piang eh, I owe it to my future you know!

Shit boy, I better log off now, I gotta get my phone!

Life

2006-05-05T00:50:00.000+08:00

When life kicks you, It kicks you in the balls. Hard. And repeatedly. Until you fall down. And roll over. And groan. And cry.

Then it kicks you again.

They still hurt after three weeks. Even when reality slaps you in the face and you wake up to the acrid, foul smell of the present, you still dream about the good times and the many dreams you dream off. (Now, the last paragraph sounded amateurish... but hey, I tried! The first two paras were not bad, if I say so myself..)

When news of your coursemates passing the course reaches you, you cannot help but feel angry. Why me? Why must I be the one kicked? Why not them? Am I lousier then them? Hell, I should be there and contributing to the pass rate! Why should they be passing and not me?

But of course, you know you should be happy for them. That they have fulfilled their dreams, because they were better.

But still you hurt.

You have been like this since the day they kicked you out. You put on a happy, funny front. You cheer the other failures up. You say encouraging things like "Life has a better plan for you elsewhere" or "Let's go do other more important thing".

But it is all a front. Inside, you burn with hatred, jealousy, anger. You curse your instructors, you blame your testers, you blame the weather, you blame the equipment, you rile at your coursemates, you curse and swear at favouritism and elitism and meritocracy and whatever big words that comes to your mind.

You don't cry. You don't show sadness. You try to bluff yourself. You take comfort in ciggarettes and alchohol.

People tell you to look forward to better things in life. Go there, they say, where the money is. Do that, do this. You listen and smile and thank them for their concern. But inside, you still burn.

You still dream. You hope that there will be a retest. You hope they will call you and tell you its a mistake. You hope for a second chance.

And then reality kicks you. You wake up. You smell the shit air of the world. You still feel like shit. But you say to yourself, the words that you really believe in, that is the only way that you can keep sane.

You say

Suck Thumb.

xxx

"When you have nothing to look forward to, look forward to doing nothing!"

- R3nce, 2006

Oh what a way to start the day ahead!

2006-04-28T09:15:00.000+08:00

Pilot don't want me
NTU reject me
Oh what a way to start the day ahead!
Hey Ya!

Here we go
Hey!
Here we go
Hey!
Late at night when you're sleeping
Fucked up things come an steal your dreams away
Hey! Way! Hey! Way! Hey Hey Hey!

xxx

What a month...

Kena reject by air force..
One dream down..

NTU reject my application..
Two down...

Safti Dental called to cancel my appointment and bring it to next Tues.. when I on leave..
Three down..

As they say.. fucked up things always happens in 3s..

*Listening to u2's it's a beautiful day... what irony*

The worse thing is when you know you can pass and then u failed.. it's not as if I can't fly..

Ah well... lets see what life plans for me then..

xxx

Miss you guys (and gal) over at Tamworth... Miss the crazy fun times.. Miss the life there.. Miss the DVDs (esp Saw 2, Emily Rose and Amy's Orgasm).. Miss my room, my bathtub.. Miss the uniform (Esp Toh M's flightsuit).. Miss the crazy things we shout at each other (Why Why Why!)

Miss AirGrading..

And most importantly... the feeling of being in control of your own plane..

But I don't miss the food, no more kang tang for me..

xxx

Any way the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me... (Bohemain Rhapsody - Queen)

COme back home~

2006-04-18T10:29:00.000+08:00

SianZ~

Failed AGC...

Back to infantry.. no more flying over hills now is climb them...

Coming back thurday..

Jio me out and I'll tell you more..

I looking forward to Chilli crab and baby squid etc..

Eh Ah Oh Ah Infantry ah! We are the men that fail AGC yeah!

Update, Update lah! What not happy ah!

2006-04-08T11:36:00.000+08:00

SIANZZZZZ

and COOLLLLDD!

xxx

You want me update, I update lah! Why not happy ah!

xxx

Knn now I is in Aus... cold as hell... temperature at night can reach about 5 degrees.. my I'm freezing man! Piang, all my fats also never help me to retain heat... wtf... eat so much and never excercise also no use...

For those that don't know.. I'm here at Air Grading Course in Tamworth, Australia (Somewhere between brisbane and sydney.. like you know where it is like that) freezing my ass off and trying to cram my head so that I can be a pilot..

Pilot you say? So short and wear specs how to be pilot? You must remember... i am hamsome.. and you see all the pilot in the ad always damn hamsome one.. so...

xxx

The best thing about air grading, of course, is the flying. This short and bespactecled boy actually got onto controls of a small trainer aircraft and actually flew! Thats right! So far, i did take offs, descends and climbs all on my own! Wahhh!

I really love to fly.. even i fly straight and level i also can orgas.. You must try it to believe it..

Oh yeah, I didn't puke when my instructors did aerobatics like loops and wingovers and stall turns and shit.. Clap clap clap!

3 more sorties to test 1, then another 8 more to go to complete my course.. which me luck assess!

xxx

Oh I'm craving for chili crab and baby squid and crayfish and omelette and char kuay teow and hor fun and curry fish head and stingray and sambal kang kong and etc etc..

Any chio girl want to eat with me... better jio me early... my treat muahaha

Guys, you want me treat u can.. only u must bring one chio bu along... then I wont be talkng to you the whole time,... but at least you get free food..

Muahahahahah!

POP loh~

2005-12-10T19:47:00.000+08:00

POP loh~!

3 months of hardships has passed and here I am adrift in the civilian world for 1 week~!

POP loh~!

xxx

Just gimme some PT!

2005-11-13T00:11:00.000+08:00

Hell yeah~ Back in the world for one day again!

Field camp over.. Sit test over.. 4 more weeks to POP!

xxx

Chao chee bye! Some of my platoon mates were attatched to Whiskey Company (I'm from Ulysses.. dont ask me what a Ulysses is...) for a three day outfield (which means cold, dark and insect infested jungle training) situational test..and my god! I want to change company!

The lucky bastards, during the last day of their field camp... had KFC AND PIZZA HUT FOR THEM! And I heard they don't need to DE-RUST THEIR FUCKING RIFLES! AND THEY SELDOM DO PUSH-UPS!

AND THEY CAN COOK HOT FOOD EVERYNIGHT! AND THEY CAN SET FIRES NEAR THEIR BASHAS TO DRY THEIR FEET!

WAH LAN EH!

xxx

Last time, Ninja and Mohawk company were the notorious ones of BMTC... don't worry Sirs and Sergeants... Ulysses is going up there with N and M...

Now.. about my 7 day field camp experience...

xxx

Field camp is about... being wet all the time, from your socks to your clothes to your underwear..
Field camp is about... Not sleeping well because of the sleeping conditions..
Field camp is about... Being dirty all the time, with mud everywhere from your hair to your ass crack..
Field camp is about... enjoying just a sip of simple, plain and refreshing tap water..

You will never understand and appreciate the convenience of modern comforts until you set foot in the jungle. There, even simple things like a set of new underwear and socks to change into, clean water to drink, hot food to eat and a simple ground sheet to cover your body while you sleep can send you into spasms of glee.

Waking up every morning with cold wet and wrinkled feet is a morale losing experience.. sleeping with wet underwear is worse..

I will always remember the night when it was raining very heavily and we were sleeping out in the open with no tent over our heads.. You take another ground sheet to cover your whole body and wear on your gore-tex army issued jacket. And then you can't sleep coz your whole body is wet and cold.. and rain is splattering on the ground sheet and making a hell lot of noise..

But hell, it was an experience worth going through.. firing blanks like nobody's business is damn fun.. you charge up hills (question: Why must all fire movement drills be conducted on bloody hills? what, flat ground don't have enemy ah?) and shout and fire. Like movie sia~

Field camp is where the colours of everybody start to show.. you get to see the ulgy and the good in people.. and most importantly, you get to see your own colours too..

Me? I was kinda dissapointed with myself... I lag behind the majority of my cohort in terms of physical fitness, especially in stamina..but I'm happy that I can still perform mentally under such conditions..

xxx

POP is coming.. where will I be posted to next? Can i pass my BMT and be good enough to go to OCS? At this moment, I'm in the process of pilot selction.. passed computerised test, passed interview, and now waiting for my medical review. I still have to pass IPPT and get results good enough to go to OCS..

I'll be working hard friends...

xxx

Book Out Book Out Day!

2005-09-30T13:07:00.000+08:00

Good Afternoon Sir!

Recruit Clarence reporting!

I"M BACK FROM GAYLAND!

2nd book out. Sibei Song~
xxx

Nothing to report.

Except that:

1. I got 70 push ups on my 3rd day because I was platoon IC (never ever reveal you were a Cadet Lieutenant in the NCC).

2. My buddy is someone who belongs to Eagle company but miraculously eascaped detection at CMPB and appeared in mine. I wonder how on earth I am going to share the tiny basha with him. And yes, the rumours are true. When you practice evacuation procedures, the Sergeants will always choose the fattest guy for you to carry. I got my buddy. He's a nice guy though.. luckily..

3. I'm browner than ever! And I even have tanlines to show!

4. I ran more in 3 weeks than I have ever ran for the entire 20 years of my life.

5. I'm feeling fitter! My Stomach is reducing and my body is sexier!

6. Even if someone has many distinctions and a diploma with merit in his poly years, he still can be a bloody ass cockster.

7. Some people cannot be trusted with a rifle, or even a pocket knife. Or a fork. They are that blur. Or bo-chup.

8. Ulysses has the best smoking point in Tekong. Sea view!

9. I don't know how some people can become Sergeants..

10. I need a girlfriend..

xxx

Recruit Clarence out..

GO ARMY LOH!

2005-09-08T04:40:00.000+08:00

7 more hours GO ARMY LOH!

Civilian Clarence become CHAO RECRUIT CLARENCE LOH!

No more PINK IC LOH!

11B loh!

xxx

So, final update before I go for 2 weeks worth of gay-land.

And probably very little updates from now on.

So...

xxx

UPDATE ON 9 DAY PLAN:

Nothing has happened!

Clarence, as expected, didn't get any girls who jumped him when he stepped out of the house. Neither did he recieve and tiltilating pictures in the e-mail.

Sian~

GAYLAND here I come!

Lesson learnt:

If your name is Clarence, don't bother planning anything. It probably wouldn't work anyway.

Day 9 of 9 day plan and still no girlfriend. Not even a geylang one.

Sigh~

xxx

I sucks.

I finally got the girl of my dreams to have a BBQ with me, and I NEVER EVEN GOT HER NUMBER!

WHY? COZ CLARENCE HUMJI THATS Y!

Die lah like that!

I will try and get my sergeant's number. Then I can date him and ask for better promotion.

"Sergeant, I this Friday can book out early? I let you poke one time...."

OWKAY.

xxx

As a reward for your reading of this post, I will show you how hamsome, sexy R3nce looks like in No.4

Sexy Senior Cadet Lieutenant Clarence in the centre, with the CLTs of East Spring Secondary School.

No, I don't look fat. Got no space, so had to squeeze, and wanted to kek chest come out from nothing.

Sexy right? Keep a hold on yourselves girls...

And yes, I look the whitest of the lot... shut up..

No more scolding cadets.. no more "knock it down!" "touch the tree and come back!" and assorted rubbish~

I'll be on the receiving end now~

xxx

See you in 2 weeks~

GO ARMY LOH!

MUAHHAHA I KENA TOMORROW-ED! Now I is FAMOUS!

2005-09-02T01:46:00.000+08:00

MUAHAAHAH!

NOW I IS FAMOUS!

NOW (at last count...) FIVE people know how hamsome I is!

Muahahaha

http://tomorrow.sg/trackback/url/2195

Go and see my hamsome name on a hamsome site!

xxx

Now Nixon Poh my brudder want me to link him. So i link him: http://nixon-is-buay-pai-seh-ask-me-to-link-him.blogspot.com

correct or not?

Haha~ is actually http://n1x.blogspot.com.

So. Go. Read. Now.

xxx

Thanks for comments one and all... but.. probably the reason why i so.. desperate.. for a girl.. is because a few months ago a 2 plus year relationship came crashing down on me... my first ever... and i am still smarting from it...

The emptiness is swallowing me alive..

And all men want a girl to ~~have sex with~~ , ~~serve him~~ , ~~be his slave~~ , ~~bully~~ , ~~etc~~ love.

So..

xxx

Anyway... What is wrong with my first pic? where got turn off? So hamsome ok! Don't believe i show you one more hamsome one..

There you go! So now you know why I is call hamsome man! NEVER USE PHOTOSHOP SOMEMORE!

xxx

Day 4 of 9 day plan..

Still waiting for girls to throw themselves at me..

to be continued..

xxx

Get a girl before army! 9 Day plan!

2005-08-30T01:48:00.000+08:00

Wee weet! 9 more days to army!

I am now at 4 3/4 pull ups! woo hoo! more than i ever did in my entire life put together!

New goal in life: To do 6 before I go in next thursday!

How? you think can or not?

Ai Pia Jia Eh Yia! (Translation: Must fight than can win!)

xxx

Okay, nine more days to go in army.

Army; where the "safe" females around are the cookhouse aunties (Mmm auntie, more meat please!). Where if you whiste or choot! any females in uniform (oooo~ some people just got that kind of fetish!) you might just be doing push-ups. (ooo~ pump me Sergeant! Pump me!)

Army; where you bathe in the open with guys looking at your ass with wanting eyes (what were you thinking! Wanting eyes because want you to bathe faster lah! Sick sia you!).

Army; where your spend every night sleeping in the same room with hot and sweaty guys.

Army; where fierce men in uniform and bulging muscles "pump" you everyday.

Sigh.

So how? Single Clarence, if he goes in still single, would probably become gay.

So...

New goal number 2: Find a girlfriend in 9 days!

Since, as everyone knows, Clarence is a lazy and (too) shy guy, Clarence will start "Help Clarence find girlfriend in 9 days" campaign.

This campaign will consist of 9 steps, which are:

Day 1: Put up picture and short bio of Clarence on this blog.
Day 2: Wait for replies
Day 3: Reply to replies
Day 4: Go out on date
Day 5: Reject first date. Go with another girl for another first date.
Day 6: Wake up and realise steps 4 and 5 was just a dream. Go to far east shopping centre and look at young girls.
Day 7: Still no dates. Go to hong lim park and stand on a soap box and get attention from girls.
Day 8: Still no one. Desperate; go to Geylang and find a date. Pay extra.
Day 9: Go report at Changi Ferry Terminal with geylang Girlfriend in tow! Success!

So... Day 1:

This is Clarence

Hmm maybe this photo not hamsome enough, so..

This is Clarence again!

He is:

1) Very hamsome!
2) (not) very rich!
3) drives (father's) car!
4) Very hamsome!

So how:? any takers? E-mail me~ rence_@hotmail.com

Help spread the news!

Save me from the female-less army!

All for one lousy bowl of porridge~

2005-08-25T01:39:00.000+08:00

WTF~

Guess what.

Clarence was hungry, so decided to be a good boy and not waste food and go and heat up some leftover porridge.

Said porridge was in a small, glass pot, so Clarence thought it could be used for heating up over the stove.

So, he went to put it on the fire, and happily happily go and stir the thing with a spoon...

Then...

BOOM!

The bloody thing ESSPLODED!

The stupid pot crack and essplode, leaving a trail of bloody porridge all over the bloody place!

Piang!

And good boy Clarence have to go clean up everything ALL FOR ONE LOUSY BOWL OF PORRIDGE!

Now I am eating hot dog buns because why.

Because my bloody porridge ESSPLODED!

xxx

3 more weeks to PTP!

2005-08-21T03:00:00.000+08:00

3 more weeks to PTP!

PT! PT!

3 more weeks to PTP! etc etc..

xxx

SianZ~ Been having a headache these 4 days.~ bloody bad don't know why~ Last whole day somemore.

I think I got some sort of brain tumour. Think too many stupid nonsensical things already, talk too much nonsense, so brain all fucked up. Haha~

If I die, i hope my funeral song would be "Highway to Hell" by AC/DC or something. Or maybe "Knocking on Heaven's door" or "Stairway to Heaven". See whether I got more positive points or negative. But at the rate I'm going, probably Highway to Hell. Haaha~

If I die, I hope to get one of those, you know, walking Chinese Funeral Bands to play "Highway". You know , with the Kao Peh Kao Bu trumpets and drums and all that. Damn cool sia~ Use trumpet play rock song.

My eulogy would probably be with my friends, talking shit about all the nonsense we do together, with a video playing in the background of all the nonsense thing we did and videod on handphone camera. Quality would be like shit but what the hell eh.:D

Go out with a bang and all that.

xxx

Went to the my Condo's Annual General Meeting today, where Childish adults come together to PLAY politics. Like bloody kids. Bickering here and there..

Even I feel more mature than them. And you know what that means. If I more mature than them, then they CONDEMNED ALREADY LAH! Hahahahah~

Hello Uncle (Or should I call u little boy), U want to play Politics, GO STAND FOR BLOODY ELECTION LAH!

What play play and kao peh kao bu in your own house! Singapore already NOT enough politicians already (Where got not enough, you say. I say Lan Cheow! Sure not enough! Every bloody election also walkover, WHERE GOT ENOUGH? LAN CHEOW UNDERSTAND?) still want to play play at home!

GROW UP LAH UNCLE!

Really man, can cry one. Every year the council sure kena kicked out and a new one elected. Then the previous council people come to the next AGM and kao peh kao bu small things big things. Compare the new council with their old one, with words like; "Last time, when I was in the council, we did things that way..."

Like that not enough, must resort to suing each other in court somemore! Like Chewren understand!

Must ask lawyer come sit in somemore. Like chewren~

Lawyer is not used for AGM one, lawyer is for all the bigshots to use so they can screw each other's backside until the hole can give birth to baby.

U all is only council member, only take care of small condo, Kao peh so much for what? Stay at your house and be happy! Use the facilities and be happy!

If you not happyonly because u toolan u kena kicked out of the council, and not because you really really got a concern for the things discussed, then go to one corner in your own house, squat down, face the wall, and kao peh to the wall. Then go and dig your asshole with your finger until the hole can give birth to baby. This way easier; don't need to hire lawyer and sue here sue there and waste people's time and money. Skip that step and save time.

Or they could always play scissors paper stone.

xxx

Why I so worked up? Coz I didn't know adults can be more childish than me. And use adult methods, like suing each other, to go and childish with each other.

xxx

Benglish by Kenny Sia`

2005-08-16T02:30:00.000+08:00

Got to love this guy!

http://kennysia.com

He came out with some Benglish-English Translater, and I went to translate my own blog!

Here's the best part, go read the "Bohemian Rhapsody" in Singlish

http://benglish.kennysia.com/body.php?add=http://r3nce.blogspot.com

So you think you can stone limpeh and spit in my lan jiao eye-
So you think you can love limpeh and leave limpeh to die-
Oh baby-can’t do this to limpeh baby
-Just gotta get out-just gotta get right outta here-

Now. Go. Laugh and Die happily~ And translate your blog too~

And the translater link~

http://www.kennysia.com/archives/2005/08/kennysiacom_eng.php

20 years and 2 days~

2005-08-16T01:22:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday to me!

Thanks all who wished me happy birthday last Sunday..

Esp Yuen Fook from my sec school class... this guy is super power.. we long time never contact already but every year on my birthday he always remembers and wishes me~ Lol~ Thanks dude, If u are reading this!

A shout out to my buddies..

They got me

A Bloody cool Zippo Lighter! Must have cost them at least $50 bucks~
A Bloody cool Cigarette Case! With Che Guevara on the front!
2 Bloody cool mega sized plush Dice to hang in my car! Who's pair bigger who wins!

You guys got to see them all! Haha! Too bad i got no Digital Cam and i too lazy to hook up my handphone.. If not u can see~ So.. Jio me out and treat me a nice lunch and I will show you. He he~

With the Zippo, I now feel very MAN~

xxx

Sian~ Its times like Birthdays when you start thinking about what you have done so far in life~

Seems like I haven't really done anything of note.

Ok marks for PSLE, Ok marks for Sec School, Ok marks for Poly...

Ok.. Educational Achievements, OUT!

Social Achievements?

One girlfriend.. which ended miserably.. Not much friends... No girls to Jio now... (probably becoming Gay soon, when I enter NS)... not really that extroverted..

Strike Two!

Co Curricular Activities?

This one not so bad at least.. I got the Overall Best Cadet for my Specialist Course for NCC in Secondary School! *Clap* *Clap* *Clap*

Not much of an achievement.. I know.. but hey.. Let me happy a bit lah!

Anything else? Mediocre Poly CCA participation.. not committee members in any club..

The only thing of note i guess, is my part in ESSS's NCC unit.. I dare say I played a part in transforming the unit to what it is today... *Clap* *Clap* *Clap*

Not a major part.. but a part nonetheless...

Sometimes I feel that my present participation in NCC is because i hope to do something meaningful before I enter the adult world. And maybe also as a form of stress relief haha~

Dunno lah~ Birthday blues again..

But as Hanzari reiterated to me the other day; "It's not what you did with your life, but what you do with it."

Funny, I remember saying that to him on his Birthday Blues period too.. Hahahaha~

Birthday Blues..

2005-08-14T02:56:00.000+08:00

Sian~

Dunno why just feel damn sian..

Birthday Blues I guess...

Happy Birthday to me...

20 years old also like that.. 19 also like that ..

Haiz..

SianZ

xxx

And probably the best Birthday present for Singapore's recent 40th birthday..

No Presidential Election!

General Election walkover, Presidential Election also walkover..

Ever wondered if the current President didn't stand for Election again.. who would be President?

All candidates kena rejected.. like that how sia?

And if that happened.. and we have no President.. would it make any difference anyway?

xxx

Suay~

2005-08-10T02:07:00.000+08:00

What the fuck sia~

BLOODY BLOODY SUAY PERIOD OF MY LIFE!

If you have constantly read my posts... you would know about the Bird Shit, dog shit whatever shit thing that has been happening for the past few weeks.

And guess what. The fucking Suay streak has not left me yet!

Today went Wakeboarding with friends..

Guess what? When I was in the water choot-ing pattern, THE BLOODY ENGINE OF THE BOAT GOT SMOKE COME OUT!

Because why?!

Because the bloody thing SPOIL THAT'S WHY!

And because the bloody thing spoil, the boat cannot pick me up from where I was in the water, so i had to FUCKING SWIM to the FUCKING BOAT in the middle of the FUCKING SEA holding on to my FUCKING LIFEJACKET and FUCKING WAKEBOARD!

FUN SIA!

Then we had to wait for Rescue somemore! WTF! Waste one-hour there and SUNTAN only!

Then the repair boat came and yes, we were on our way. Lucky they charged us one hour less, if not I'll FUCKING THROW them into the middle of the FUCKING OCEAN and ask them to FUCKING SWIM back to the FUCKING SHORE!

xxx

Anyway, other than the FUCKING INCIDENT, it was quite an "Accomplished" day. After many many failed attempts, and many many million litres of salt-water in my body, not to mention the many many times I fell smack into the many many water, I finally did a SURFACE 180!

One time never mind, I turn one side, then turn back some more!

WAH!

Haha~ Considering that this was our third trip there, NOT BAD LAH!

xxx

Army's coming soon~

YES SIR! SORRY SIR! THANK YOU SIR!

Lan Cheow Understand?!

2005-08-10T01:46:00.000+08:00

Guns N' Roses coming to Singapore?

Will this be my dream come through or just another waste of money and time?

I checked the webbie out... it will most likely be in between.

Two ex, non-important, obscure members of the old GN'R (Tracii Guns? Piang! Where was he on Apettite for Destruction? The only important thing he did for GN'R was that he got SACKED and SLASH was roped in to replace him.) have formed a band named Guns N' Roses Revisited.

WTF~ Should I go? Cheapest Tickets only cost $50...

My birthday is coming, 14 Aug.. *HINT* *HINT*

Dunno lah~ Sounds bloody boh liao to me... all ex-members.. not the original lineup... and the idiots never even say if they will be playing old school GN'R songs or their own songs.. marketing ploy? hahah~

I guess I'll wait for the reviews of the other concerts in their Asia tour before i think about buying their tickets.

Guns N' Roses back in Singapore?

Lan Cheow Understand?!

You get me Slash, Axl, and the rest to play Sweet Child O' Mine and I don't mind paying through my bloody NOSE to watch them up close and personal.

This is just a GN'R COVER BAND! MY Y.M.B is also a GN'R cover band! Pay me 50 bucks a ticket and I'll play for you at Singapore EXPO!

Sian.

Wa Si Hokkien Lang!

2005-08-06T04:33:00.000+08:00

Bloody hokkien song roll recently~

http://blog.galvintan.com/?p=97

Super steady song! Bloody hokkien O-Bit song!

Steady lah!

Nah sih gua uh ji pa ban, ji pa ban!
(If I got one million dollars, one million dollars!)

Oh man if I got one million dollars...

U got to hear this song.. If only for the way the singer says "Spaghetti" in hokkien~ power sial!

If I have got one million,
I wanna sit on a plane,
I wanna explore the world, Italy drink coffee,
Road side eat spaghetti ( road side eat spaghetti )

xxx

Steady lah~ Wa Si Hokkien Lang!

Went to the beach on Sunday with a friend... we drove in in a Honda Civic, with windows down, playing "Ai Pia Jia Eh Eyeah" on full blast!

Steady Sia!

So if you were at Sentosa on Sunday thinking who the Kao Peh Kao Bu Ah Peks in a fucking honda civic playing hokkien songs were, it was ME!

xxx

Nah sih gua uh ji pa ban!

Back to default...

2005-08-03T01:01:00.000+08:00

Hope Nix is alright.

But we always have to get on with life.

Been a tough week for all concerned.

Only way to go when your're down is up bro.

Here's to you~

xxx

Nothing much to blog nowsadays.

Didn't u realise that no more cock and bull posts nowadays? well me too.

SianZ.

Probably been through the shittiest week of my life.

Thinking about life and all.

Probably experiencing quarter life crisis.

Oh yeah! Clap for me!

I did three pull ups just now! THREE YOU KNOW! YOU THINK WHAT!

HAHAHA! Slowly lah slowly~ I'll hit 4 soon.

CLAP LEH!

Haha!

xxx

"Life has its ups and downs but always reverts back to its default mode: fucked up."

- Clarence

A Rhapsody

2005-08-01T00:50:00.000+08:00

Song in my head :

Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen

Mama,just killed a man,
Put a gun against his head,
Pulled my trigger,now he’s dead,
Mama,life had just begun,
But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away-
Mama ooo,
Didn’t mean to make you cry-
If I’m not back again this time tomorrow-
Carry on,carry on,
as if nothing really matters-

Too late,my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine-
Body’s aching all the time,
Goodbye everybody-
I’ve got to go-
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth-
Mama ooo-
(any way the wind blows)
I don’t want to die,
I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all-

Etc etc

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye-
So you think you can love me and leave me to die-
Oh baby-can’t do this to me baby-
Just gotta get out-just gotta get right outta here-

Nothing really matters,
Anyone can see,Nothing really matters-,
nothing really matters to me,

Any way the wind blows...

Is this the way to Amarrilo?

2005-07-31T05:07:00.000+08:00

Got that fucking Amarillo song stuck in my head. Bloody catchy song. Click here to catch the bug and curse me for putting that song in your head. http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=2275&rtn=index-topten

Sha la la la la la LALALA!
*CLAP* *CLAP*
And sweet Marie who waits for me!

FUCKING HELL!

xxx

Probably this is the lowest week in my whole life. Got my first bird shit hit yesterday along Bedok's blk 85. Luckily kena my hand not my sexy bald head. If not I will scream.

Nearly got into an accident today because of stupid FUCKERS who don't know how to check bloody blind spots when they want to change lane.

Had to clean DOG SHIT from a friend's father's car because another friend stepped on it before entering the fucking car.

Can't get no fucking BATTLEFIELD 2 coms anywhere coZ fucking ah neh owner don't want to buy more original games. FUCK.

And earlier in the week, a ghost from my past has come to haunt me again. And haunt my friends too. Now I feel fucking guilty.

Fuck.

I'm at the lowest of lows right now. If anything bad happens to me again. I'ld probably break down and cry. And murder people.

Hopefully this full week of SHITE will be a prelude to a week of good fortune. Or I'll be getting ready for suicide.

And I have to wake up in 5 hours time. FUCK.

Nixon probably summed it up the best. And Clarence is feeling really low about it, still coming back to haunt him, under that facade of the joker. Cannot even mention 'it's not his fault' to him.

Yes, I need to be the joker. it's the only thing that keeps me sane enough to go on.

Please pity me. After all, that's the reason for this post.

xxx

Is this the way to Amarillo
every night I've been hugging my pillow
dreaming dreams of Amarillo
and sweet Marie who waits for me
show me the way to Amarillo
I've been weeping like a willow
crying over Amarillo
and sweet Marie who waits for me

Sha la la lala lalala
Sha la la lala lalala
Sha la la lala lalala
and Marie who waits for me

BATTLEFIELD 2 YOUR MOTHER! GET SOME! GET SOME!

2005-07-28T03:56:00.000+08:00

Like that how? Die lah like that how!

2005-07-28T01:12:00.000+08:00

Life is all fucked up. Why can't God have given us a lightbulb in the head that will turn green when anything that happens is Good and red when anything that happens is BAD.

Its all about gambling. You bet your chips and then pray like hell that the roulette wheel of life will spin in your direction.

No matter how carefully you place your bets or what strategy you take, the God of heng suay will still decide your fate. And he doesn't tell you whether if you lose today, tomorrow when u play again you will hit the jackpot.

So you have to ask yourself whether you should keep some of your money to play again tomorrow or blow it all on the next round coZ you have this funny feeling.

xxx

Life is a piece of paper. You write everything on it with a 2B pencil. If something goes wrong, you can always rub it off with your eraser.

But the pencil marks will stay there no matter how hard you rub...

Bored again. What else?

2005-07-28T00:45:00.000+08:00

I is very bored. I am so bored i will blog. So, just winging it from here on. Nothing else to type about.

Situation still normal; All fucked up.

xxx

Just got my Diploma on thursday. Everyone's asking me what's next? further studies or what. I say NS is next. I'll cross my bridges when I come to them.

xxx

I have finally realised the meaning of life.

It is about LOOKING COOL.

No matter what you do, you must LOOK COOL. Take a minute and listen to my explaination.

You work and slog and study and slog somemore and carry your boss balls and suck up to your peers for fuck? So that you can earn money and spend it and owe the bank six million dollars and buy a house and car and the latest gadget techno-land has to offer? And after that you retire with no money in your bank and then you have to get the CPF which is worth "peanuts"?

Is that the aim?

No, the ultimate aim is to LOOK COOL. You have money, you look cool. You get a ferrari, you look cool. You get a trophy wife so you will loof cool. So your peers and everybody in this whole materialistic world will look at you and go: "WAH! That guy damn cool sia!"

Is that all there is to life? To look cool?

Is there no more solid meaning to this sorry existence?

So what if u look cool? Does being cool give u happiness? True blue happiness? Is people looking up to you happiness? Or just a superficial happiness.

Life is just about looking cool~ Is there any other existence?

It's a fucked-up world.

Sian~

2005-07-20T04:18:00.000+08:00

Just sian~

Situation Normal; All Fucked Up.

Lost my bloody handphone. Hopefully it's in my friends car. Fuck~

Learnt something today about my past. Great. Just fucking great. Waste of my bloody time. If only I had known.

And life is all about wasting my life away and fucking it up, again and again and again.

"If it's not fucked up, it's not life"
- Clarence 2005

Go! No! Read previous post!

2005-07-14T02:55:00.000+08:00

Question for everyone:

Durai retracted the suit and was ordered to pay cost right? But... was it NKF that was ordered to pay cost or was it Durai who would pay?

If Durai, fine... but if NKF?

Costs are not cheap... lawyers are not cheap... suits are not cheap... and would the money come from our hard earned pockets? Because somebody decided to sue and then retracted?

Anybody who knows... please answer..

xxx

http://nineaugust.blogspot.com/2005/07/finally-nkfs-administration-brought-to.html

The article so talked about... really good reading... long though... read only if u are in the mood for some thinking... and killing... and plundering... and slaughtering... and whatever

Clarence goes into deep thought... long long time never liao

2005-07-14T01:12:00.000+08:00

Before I start... went to watch some idiots with cars...
Saw a car speed like nobody business.. then never break in time... and heard the SWEET SOUND OF BUMPER AGAINST KERB!
"CRASSHHH!"

Weeweet!

See lah speed speed speed!

Now happy go and pay for bumper replacement all because you had the urge to waste petrol~

tsk tsk tsk.

Wait till i win TOTO 10 million then I buy a porshe 911 and go bang kerb with you. Never mind one... car crash just buy new one lah~ 10 million still got change.

xxx

Today a friend got sucked into one of those "Charity" coupon scams. You know the ones where these young guys go around telling you they are not trying to sell anything and press you into buying their coupons which has 10 bezillion dollars worth of discounts at 5 star fancy restaurants you have never heard before in you entire life for the price of only $5? Some more got percentage go to charity sial!

Poor bugger was told that he had applied for an events company, with a guaranteed pay of 70 bucks a day.mr CEO told him that it was about problem solving ah, brainstorming ah, team work based ah, events based ah kind of job. You know, the kind that a young man who is taking a relevant diploma would jump at because of experience, resume, money etc.

And guess what? He drove his "trainer" and suckers-in-arms to Bishan, where they were told they were there to meet "Clients". And guess what? They were told that the "meeting clients" means going door to door and selling COUPONS! Their rationale being that when they had no events, (their events being only during school holdiays and weekends) they would spend their time FUNDRAISING!

And what about the promised 70 bucks a day? Oh no no, their pay would be "commissioned based", based on the number of coupons they sold. WTF!

Smart bugger went off without listening to more, and left "trainer" at bishan on his own.

Atta boy!

This brings me to the second part of today's post.

NKF's Cancer show just ended. Not too long ago was the Renci (no relation to R3nce) and NKF show. And next week would be the President Star Charity show. And God only knows how many more shows. R3nce charity show anyone? I need the money; I want to buy gold taps.

Plus all the millions and gazillions of donation drives that our poor students have to do every bloody month, JUST HOW MUCH MONEY DOES CHARITY NEED?

I'll buy this coupon and I'll get exclusive discounts and donate to charity right? Ok then, here you go. Oh hey, you need a new building. Ah that one needs some new vehicles. I'm sorry, here's 5 bucks for your donation drive. There you go, 2 bucks for the needy. Ah, $990 for your tap. Oh, and for your first class tickets too.

Oh shit, there's goes my pay. I need to get a tin.

Yes, it is true that there are people in need of money. What kind of people are we if we, who can, do not help those who can't? By all means, give to charity. People out there need it.

But there certainly is something wrong with the system over here. We are giving and giving and giving blindly, not really knowing where our money goes to or how it is used. And there are many, many, many charities out there who NEED money, but do not have the resources or manpower or clout or whatever to organise charity drives or get a bunch or daring stuntmen and women to risk their lives and appeal to the emotions of the masses for donations.

Who is to say which charity needs it more than others? Is the poor old man suffering from say, alzheimers, with no family to take care of him more in need than the poor old man suffering from kidney failure? Or something like that.

What we need is someone, a government board or a ministry or whatever, someone or something with clout and the ability to and power to enforce their rules, that can manage all these. It is not a matter of whether we can afford to do so or whether we have the time to do so; we need to do so. There is a need for charity, and for someone to control where and for what the charity goes to.

We have to do something. The Government has to start and really really stamp down on such excessive appeals. Rarely will people reject donating for a good cause. And such emotional appeals are very very powerful. And, as we know but dare not say, such powerful emotions are being taken advantage of for the benefit or those with more and resources, while those without fall by the wayside.

If not the Government, then we as human beings and citizens of this fine country should do something.

xxx

I need comments. Slam me, scold me, correct me, agree with me, praise me, whatever.

Pick my brain.

I want to know whether or not I am the only one who thinks like that.

The Bitch Syndrome pt 2

2005-07-07T00:54:00.000+08:00

Here are some replies I got for the article The Bitch Syndrome

link: http://r3nce.blogspot.com/2005/06/bitch-syndrome.html#comments
(For ppl who click on the link... WHY ARE YOU NOT READING MY BLOG ON A DAILY BASIS? WANT TO DIE AH?)

Anonymous said...

There are even female magazines articles about Bitches getting the better end of deals and all. So what equality?But I guess if you dun wanna b bitchy, you might get bullied. So mayb ppl practise the 'let's hurt others before they hurt me' thinking. Food for thought?
2:37 AM

Anonymous (I know who you are!)

Disagree, i do.

I guess i subscribe to the school of thought where judging yourself against, well, yourself, is more important than how others judge you.

No matter how people bitch and kpkb to get their way, that's their business. if you can remain, well, true to yourself and not follow such adolescent behaviour to get ahead in life, what with better end of deals and being looked up to, people will be able to see the true you and be able to admire that. After all, these people should be (although there are bitches) the ones whom are held in high regard, and important; basically people who matter.

That should get the attention of the bitches, and I guess that kind of respect is much more meaningful that the "respect" given to the bitches.

Chris 1 said...

you suck!haha no la balls. i stoned now.yes i agree with post, partially. anyhow, imo it doesn't matter. cos' say is say only ma.is never objective so if u r discerning enuf it doesn't matter who say what. if not, then u can go 'baaaa baaaaaa'.
Rec Y K Wan
7:51 AM

There you go. You're right, say is say only. If the world is to be changed, if this attitude is to change, we should start soemwhere. Start by ignoring those people and saying "baaaa baaaaaa"
. Now drop 20 for me!

Super Vulgar Post

2005-06-29T03:24:00.000+08:00

Disclaimer: Those with an aversion to foul language, especially those with the thinking that Western vulgar language is acceptable while Singaporean ones such as hokkien are not, please go to www.disney.com and fuck off. Thank you.

xxx

Sunday: Wakeboarding day. Get sandfly bites which just seem like red spots. A novelty.
Monday: Sandfly bites start to swell. No problem. Still not itchy yet. Just looks weird.
Tuesday: One or two start to itch. Itchy fingers tries to squeeze the pus out of them. No problem. Still manaeagable.
Wednesday morning: KANINABUAY CHAO CHEE BYE! SAND FLY BITES START TO FUCKING ITCH!

Ni na buay! What the fuck is this? Bloody sandfly bites are starting to itch. The nice circle of sandfly bites on arm is no novelty anymore. They are fucking itching like fuck. CHEE BYE!

And now, I have found bites on my back, my chest and my legs, not counting the fucking million or so on my arms!

FUCKING HELL!

AND THEY BLOODY ITCH! LIKE SHIT! FUCK!

And you know what? I had to go and search on www.google.com.sg for information on sandflies, and they all tell me they will itch like fuck for quite awhile, and leave bloody scars! WHAT THE FUCK! Whats more, there's a danger of getting SANDFLY FEVER!

KANINABUAYCHAOCHEEBYECHEEBYELANJIAOEXCERCISE
MOTHERFUCKINGCUNTSCROTUMPENISTESTICLEVAGINACLITORIS!

What the hell is this?!

I tell you, the next time I go wakeboarding, I'm gonna buy one whole bloody carton of Insect repellant, and spray them on so bloody thick I look like Marshmallow man! And I'll stink so much all insects, animals and fish within a kilometre radius of me will fucking die! And then when I wakeboard, I'll leave a trail of repellant in the water. I'll bring a bloody chisel and hammer set with me too, so i can remove all that shit off me when I'm done.
And, I'm gonna bring a fucking flamethrower, so any super-sandfly that gets through my repellant perimeter will die and burn in hell! I'll probably burn down all the trees and mangroves and beaches in that area with the flame thrower, to kill all the motherfuckers, and then I'll call the airforce and bomb them all to bloody insect hell just in case.

And then I'll bloody nuke Insect hell.

xxx

Super Sexy~!

2005-06-28T23:57:00.000+08:00

Guess what guess what!

I was just folding my no. 4 for NCC tmr... and...

i look positively sexy~!

Scorching hot man!

SSSSSSSSSS!

Must be the swimming and wakeboarding and pushups... feeweet i tell u!

Muscle all choot lai liao... only left the tan.. bloody sun.. (refer to previous post)

Girls watch out!

Get a cue number! Its outside my door...

I'm still alive!

2005-06-26T23:29:00.000+08:00

I probably have enough salt in my body now to last a few months.

Guess what I did today? Guess! Guess!

You'll never guess it because:

1) Clarence being in the sun? No way!
2) Clarence doing sports? Impossible!
3) Clarence half naked? Well... thats more than a possibility...

Give up?

This short, slightly darker and hamsome young man went WAKEBOARDING today!

Weeweet! *CLAP* *CLAP*!

And I have the scars to prove it!

xxx

So, finally woke up earlier than normal today (12 noon leh! Wah!)

And went down to Punggol for 4 hours of intense, hot sweaty wet action!

Not really hot actually. I think there's a conspiracy to prevent Clarence from getting tanned. Everytime I do anything in the sun, the sun will be bloody cloudy, and start off with a slight drizzle. Of course, there will be no sun in sight. Like today.

Well, at least I got Slightly darker. The sun came out for a very very short period, like 15 minutes, and I got Dark (er!)!

With absolutely no experience at wakeboarding (No, knee boarding at Batam doesn't count), I managed to stand upright the very first time! WAH! *CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAP*!

Of course I didn't manage to STAY upright for very long, (like maybe 5 seconds) but hey! I managed to do it before too long!

Wah! Like real sia! Stand up like bloody pro like that! And of course, not being contented to be dragged by the boat in a straight line, Clever-Clarence decided to choot pattern.

Left! Right! Left! Right!

Wah not bad sia! Like real like that! Not bad not bad, can manuever abit. Why not I try to jump?

So Clarence prepares himself, crouches a bit, pushes his feet down and Whoosh!

No he didn't jump! He managed to do a very beautiful, 10/10 belly flop on the water!

*CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAP*!

And yes, I managed to fall in such a way that the most important part of the body got hit on the water. (Guys: Groan! OWW! SSSSSS! Don't worry girls, you will never understand. Just take it from me it was bloody painful)

Not to be outdone by Clarence's keh kiang-ness, nature decided it was time to scare the gang abit.

My buddy Lance-corporal Ow was in the water, when the rest of us saw this bloody big plastic bag in the water. No, it wasn't a bag, it was a bloody Jellyfish the size of a basketball! The thing spotted somemore! Wah piang!

We decided not to tell the dedicated soldier of it, in case we might freak him out and he bawls like a baby. So..

And then, when I was in the water again (toilet break. Don't ask), another friend decided that the floating branch beside us was a shark. With great enthusiasm (faked) and (false) fear, he shouted: "Shark! Shark! Be careful!"

Bastard! Those of us in the water were bloody freaked!

And yes, the next time it was my turn to be in the water, i tried my best not to wipeout. Why? Because animals on land when they confront you, no problem, at least you can fight back. But bloody sea creatures, and your feet are tied up and you can't swim well, well that's another story.

Oh yeah, about the scars. I have a nice, ring of six of them on my elbow. Bloody sandfly bites. I think they have some sort of communication between them; they managed to bite in a perfect circle. The next time I go again I'dd probably stay longer so the sandflies can bite me in the shape of 4 digits.

xxx

Problem with wakeboarding is, its bloody expensive. 250 bloody bucks for 4 hours, max of 5 fellas. Oh well. I need to buy a boat. No COE, no road-tax, no ERP, no coupon parking, hmmmm maybe i'll consider~

Knock it down~!

2005-06-26T02:23:00.000+08:00

All my poly pals are probably out of the army by now. Probably sleeping and catching up on 2 weeks lack of masturbation. So.

WHOLE LOT KNOCK IT DOWN!

Masturbation is a chargeable offence in Army ok! What you on the internet now watching porn!

Wonder how certain people like Jet are doing... 2 weeks no porn..

Imagine if you got caught masturbating in camp and get to DB.

Scenario:

Scene

Cell mates having nothing to do. Both of them talk.

Chao Recruit: Hpw? You kena DB for what?

Big Ass Ah Beng Person: I beat my sergeant. I see him no happy. He scold my mother father ancestor's private parts, So I see his face no happy. Then I punch his face. You leh? Why you kena?

Chao Recruit: I PCC and got caught by sergeant.

Curtains.

Can't wait for army actually. Don't know why. Call me crazy call me anything you want.

Hey guys, meet up one day when you all book out? Then can get tips from you all.

The Bitch Syndrome

2005-06-22T23:49:00.000+08:00

Disclaimer : Those who are easily agitated, who read and perceive things with a closed mind, those who going to post comments like "You suck!" or similar on mytag board or comments, please click on this link : www.disney.com .

For other open minded people, please continue.

The Bitch Syndrome

I read an article on the Sunday Times last sunday that was very interesting. The writer was talking about the double standard given to females in the eyes of the law. One example: A man who seduces a married woman is commiting a criminal offence, whicle a woman who does the same to a married men is not commiting and offence.

So, it got me thinking. With all the advantages women are getting, it should be a good, perfect equal society right?

Not so, I think. In fact, I think that some women are taking advantage of this situation. Somehow, society, and men in general, are giving in more to women for in the sake of "fairness". Us men are less likely to look upon a women's extravagance as excessive, because we are afraid that it might be "unfair". But when a man does the same..

One example I could give is the rise of the "Bitch". You know, the woman who bitches about everything and everyone, giving comments that are totally unfair and might even be libellous, or defamative (is there such a word?) And society in general keeps a blind eye.

I guess most Singaporean blog readers might have a vague idea of someone in their minds right now.

What's worse, is the fact that such "bitches" are celebrated. People talk about them as if they were heroes. And people even try to emulate them. Suddenly, all the decent women want to be a "bitch" as well.

I think that there is something wrong with society when people think they can say what they want, do whatever they want, and diss everybody who ever disagrees with them. When people are proud of the fact that they can do all this, and not fear the concequences. Its the era of the bitch.

Yes, of course there are such men in the world as well. But i feel that there is a much more obvious increase in the other half of the population. Sure there are decent girls around, but when its seems normal for people to be bitches, and society starts to celebrate them, these decent girls are in danger too.

Maybe it is the popularity of the internet. The domain where people can rant whatever they want. The chance of reprisal is very small, although it is still there, but so small that people dont care about it. And it seems that blogs are a big part of this as well.

What is happening to society? How do we remedy it?

I feel that all this bitchiness is due to the perception of "equality" of the sexess. Women want to be "equal" to men, and men, knowing this, want them to be "equal" to. But with "equalness" comes responsiblity. And thats something very important.

Comments please.

xxx

Another rant by Clarence. If there is any time, I would polish this up. But what the hey, this is my blog. He he~

Durian~

2005-06-22T00:17:00.000+08:00

Burp~

Just ate some durian. Long time since I ate durian. Wonder if I will explode if I smoke a ciggarette after eating a durian.

Talking abou durians, went to esplanade that day with a bunch of friends. Walked down eside the seaside, past the free music place, up over the bridge and, worst of all, walked down to fullerton and the Singapore river.

Brought up a lot of memories along that river that are best left in the past.

Oh well.

xxx

I'm bored.

I need female company. Any girls willing to humour this sweet, hamsome, charming, short white and botak guy with a date? Call me.

Who knows where I can meet girls. No, not those one-night stand girls u find at clubs and pubs and what-not (hmm, or maybe not hahah). Somebody who I can hold a conversation with. I read somewhere that people are more to enjoy sex if their partner is at least their intellectual equal. For me, it'll be rather easy. The number of females who are at least my intellectual equal should be something like 99% of the single, young female population.

NS is coming soon. I'm still bored out of my skull. Starting to go swimming and doing push ups (reader: WAHHHH!!). Of course I'm starting small. : )

Still trying to think of ways to contact that girl. Ha ha! What the hell. Even if I got her number I'ld probably not do anything anyway. So sad, but R3nce has to face facts. Oh well.

Bored Bored Bored.

Oh yeah, short white and hamsome here is going wakeboarding this Sunday. Please help me to pray that the whether will be find, and especially ask for youn, single bikini girls to be in abundance.

Bye bye time to die.~!

MORON!

2005-06-11T02:25:00.001+08:00

Before I start, I would like to shoutout to the DMCians in army.

RECRUITS SHEN! TONG! LIM! ONG! WAN! LIM!

KNOCK IT DOWN!

Wahahahahahhahah!

Anyway...

xxx

CLARENCE! You are a bloody moron! Stupid ass! ARGHHH!

xxx

It's a fact now, sports fans! Clarence is a bloody Moron!

Arghhh!

And I'll tell you why.

MORON!

xxx

Today, when Clarence was leaving his house to meet his no-life brothers for another night of bumming around, wasting time, bio-ing char boh and smoking, he walked out of the door and saw his secondary school crush sitting at the swimming pool.

Oh yes, he went up to her and said hi and did small talk, and guess what.

THIS MORON FORGOT TO ASK FOR HER NUMBER! ARGHHHHHH!!!

My God! Wah Lan Eh!

Clarence was also lying on his bed on with the window open in the afternoon when he heard her voice walking outside the garden. Of course he didn't know it was her then, but he started thinking about his secondary school days and that stupid crush.

How could he recognise her voice you say? Well, after having a crush on the same damn girl for 4 bloody years, and sharing the same classroom, and with the whole bloody level knowing who the secret girl was, OF COURSE HE RECOGNISES THE VOICE!

ARGGHHH!

And he forgets to ask for her bloody number! My god!

He said, "Hey, next time you come around here again you come visit me lah! my house there only!"

AND HE GOES OFF WITHOUT GETTING HER NUMBER!!!

Oh man, God knows how many of my fantasie...erm... dreams started with me finding her hanging around my house! arghhghg!
STUPID STUPID STUPID!

xxx

I think God gave me a pair of balls and brains that shrink to the size of electrons when faced with girls. No girls no problem. Smart ass clarence who always saves the day, and with balls the size of bloody watermelons to boot. But when any girl comes into the picture, its "Honey! I shrunk your balls!" time!

Me feeling bloody stupid is one thing. And then you have my friends ribbing me about it. Piang Eh! The same friends who were with me for 4 years in secondary school, the same 4 years I harbored that stupid gigantic crush on her. Oh Fun Fun Fun!

Any body wants a new set of brains and balls? I'm selling them at cost.

I got them for free when I was born.

Guaranteed to work as lon better than other brands as long as you stay away from girls! Especially those you have a bloody big crush on!

ARGGGHHHHH!!

xxx

The Captain

2005-06-09T04:25:00.000+08:00

(Note to readers: This is a sequel to Son's War, published in this blog some time ago. Go search)

A chilling scream of pain peirced through the Captain's consciousness.

He awoke with a start, and in the darkness fumbled for his rifle.

Shit! It wasn't at its usual place!

He quickly pushed himself up on the bed.

His hands were too weak!

He struggled and struggled, but in the end, lost it. He crumpled back on his bed, panting from the exhaustion.

The Captain suddenly felt the urge to cry. And he did. He didn't know why, and didn't know he even could, but he did. And he bawled like a child.

The Captain, a rock for his men, the unemotional leader. The one who always stayed calm in the midst of even the fiercest shelling, the heaviest gunfire. He who never even flinched when bullets struck the edge of his foxhole. The leader who always stayed calm even when his comrades, his brothers, broke down.

He cried. In the darkness he cried. And he couldn't stop it.

Slowly, painfully, his tears stopped. The Captain then did what he did best; he took charge of his situation.

The murkiness crawled away to reveal the light.

The Captain realised he was in a medical tent, lying on a bed. A bed he had been on for 2 months.

2 months ago, when he was attatched to a larger unit as an observer, his dearest comrade had been taken away from him. Someone who had fought together in the war with him for over two years. Someone whom the Captain treated as a very close relative; a member of his family even. Someone he loved very much indeed.

That person was suddenly taken the Captain's life. No reason, no explaination. Nothing anybody, not even military intelligence, could explain. That person suddenly disappeared for no reason whatsoever.

When he had learnt of the news, the Captain, as always, acted as if there was nothing wrong. And this was not an act for every other soldier lost so far. The Captain knew that there was nothing much he could do, but to carry on as normal. But this loss was far too great for him to bear. And he didn't like admitting to that fact.

He soldiered on, like a true warrior. He did his job, and everybody could see that he wasn't affected by the loss.

But he was. It was just a facade, to let his other comrades think that their Captain was still working, still the same soldier he always was.

The loss ate at him. Slowly of course, but surely. It ate away at his mind every conscious moment. It started to affect his performance in the field. At first, they were minor problems, things he attributed to battle fatigue and the long war, but slowly the mistakes grew bigger, and his weaknessess started to show. His comrades started to ask him about this, but he brushed it away. He was always the strong soldier, without emotion, the perfect leader in his own demanding eyes, and he wanted everybody else to know that nothing has changed.

This continued on and on, until finally he made a near-fatal mistake.

In a routine patrol he was to lead, he finally broke down. He and his men were about to crest a hill when they suddenly received gunfire. His second in command got shot in the head and died instantly. His men all dove for cover, screaming, pleading for the Captain to lead them, show them the way. The Captain whom they always knew could execute a textbook-perfect manouever to get them out of harms way and bring lead rain on their enemies.

But the Captain froze. The disease had finally eaten its way into the titanium plating the he had built around his heart and bit him where it hurt the most. For the first time, the ever dependable Captain froze. Right on the crest of the hill.

He lost the entire patrol. 9 men paid with their lives all because their leader didn't have the guts to admit to his feelings and take control of them. They died because of the denial of their leader.

Whether it was dumb luck or divine intervention, the Captain was shot in the legs. He collapsed and rolled down the hill, where he was picked up by the supporting patrol. It was only a flesh wound, but he had lost all will to fight, to live. He couldn't, didn't want to walk or move, or take control of the situation.

He just gave up.

Back in the hospital, the Captain wept again. He wept at his own uselessness, his inability to act. He was no coward in battle; he had the medals to prove it, plus the admiration of his men.

But he was a coward where it mattered the most. He was afraid to confront himself.

The battle raged on in his mind. He cut away at himself. He condemned every action he did since that day 2 months ago when he knew of the loss of his dearest comrade.

And at the end of it all, there was nothing left but the Captain himself, his core. He had cut out all the armour and protection built up over his 20 long years.

Suddenly, he felt nothing but courage. Real courage, knowing that he could now face himself and the world.

He knew that the past was the past. His beloved comrade was lost, his fellow soldier-in-arms and life for over two years was gone, and there was nothing that could be done about it. He just had to make do and move on.

There were other battles to be fought, men to be led. And most importantly, although he knew that no-one could ever replace his lost comrade in his heart, he knew that he would find others he could fight the war with. Others who could fight alongside him in his battles, to share jokes, to share dissapointment after botched missions, to drink with over the loss of fellow brothers in arms. To share the war with its many different emotions and experiences, with.

The Captain suddenly didn't feel like a coward any longer. He felt stronger than ever before. And he knew that part of it was because of the many times his brothers and sisters in arms had lifted him when he was down. Had volunteered themselves when they knew the Captain was unable to carry out his assisgned mission. Had fought alongside him.

The Captain then did what he always did best. He shelved his emotions and labelled them as history; as lessons to be learnt from, and soldiered on.

Bored part 2348,785,123

2005-06-09T04:07:00.000+08:00

Song in my head: Bob Marley's No Woman No Cry.
Need some slow motion, drug induced, physchedlic (is that how you spell it?) raeggae shit to swim around in slow purple haze flowery ecstatic rainbow-coloured circles in the murky, dark depths of my consciousness.

Said - said - said: I remember when we used to sit
In the government yard in trenchtown,
Oba - obaserving the ’ypocrites
As they would mingle with the good people we meet
.Good friends we have, oh, good friends we’ve lostAlong the way.
In this great future, you can’t forget your past;
So dry your tears, I seh. (nope! no spelling mistake here! Its pronounced "seh" not "say")

No, woman, no cry;
No, woman, no cry.
’ere, little darlin’, don’t shed no tears:
No, woman, no cry.

Everything’s gonna be all right!
I said, everything’s gonna be all right-a!
Everything’s gonna be all right!

xxx

Thanks to Adam who didn't see the big "DANGER! TABOO SUBJECT IN OPERATION!" warning written in big, bold, letters on my forehead.

Haha~ Lac lah bro, not your fault.

xxx

Just realised that some of my brothers will be going to army this weekend. Gonna miss insulting/irritating/bumming-smokes-off (pick one) you guys. My turn soon anyway.

RECRUITS! KNOCK IT DOWN!

Muahahahahahaha!

xxx

Back from Batam!

2005-06-07T07:38:00.000+08:00

Wah! I could easily get used to the life there man! Easily!

xxx

My ass hurts! I didn't even know my ass had musles that could be used. Pecs hurts (What Pecs you say. Well, they weren't there before! i didn't know I had them too!) Biceps hurts triceps hurts shoulders hurts and many many other strange muscle groups I have never heard or used in my life hurts too!

All becasue I went Cable-Skiing!

And Yes! i got a bloody Tan!

WeeWeet! Finally! Now I'm no longer R3nce the Hamsome man, I'm R3nce the short dark and hamsome man!

xxx

Didn't manage to try wake-boarding there. Went knee-boarding instead.

Way cool i tell you knee boarding is! Weeweet! And smart-ass R3nce decided to try the ramps on his 3rd try. I managed two ramps! I caught air! Wow! and I didn't wipeout! (yet!)

And on his 4th attempt, hamsome man increased speed, lined himself up on the most difficult ramp on the course, went up perfectly, caught air... and .... wipeout... sian~

Oh, and handsome man forgot to let go of the stupid rope so he now has some nasty bruised on his arms...

xxx

The life there is power sial. We were treated like bloody kings at the hotel we stayed in. Their service there is at least 10 billion times better than Singapore's.

Yes sir! Okay sir! Would you like some fruits sir! We've got no rooms but hold on,we'll check sir! 3 bags full sir!

My god, and we only payed for 1 bloody room, at 110 bucks, and we were treated like kings! You try paying 6 millions bucks in Singapore's hotels and you'll be treated like... kings too!

xxx

If I could be in batam for the rest of my life, I'll be a happy man. Nothing to worry about, nothing to rush. It was really an idyllic life over there. There was no bustle of the city. The cable-ski place was the best. Girls in bikini walking about, cheap beer (2 bucks man! 2 bucks!) and nice sun. Smoke, play pool, drink beer, kwa char boh, and yeah... cable-ski around.

Ahh! That was the life!

Bored blog..

2005-06-03T03:35:00.000+08:00

I need a new computer. I need to play games. I am very bored at home.

xxx

Thanks Joel, Chen Xun, Chris and Elisa for posting stuff on my blog. Thanks guys, i know you guys care. After all, I am the most hamsome botak guy in the world; such a nice guy too, with a killer sexy body, who would not?

But seriously, thanks for the comments. I really helped on my road to sanity.

xxx

As always, I am bored.

Nothing better to do at home, don't want to find work, trying to excercise. The word is trying. So far, i have only done one day of swimming, after that, its just back to normality.

Going to Batam this sat. No Elisa, its not for sex OR ciggarettes. I've already got so many girls throwing themselves at my sexy, white feet that I don't need to go to Batam to pay for any.

Why pay when you can have it for free?

Hopefully i can enjoy my self there. Last chance before i go into the dreary world that is National Service.

Hoping to get a tan. And most likely, it will be my only time to get a tan before i enter NS. With my upside down internal clock, I get more moon-tan than sun-tan.

Bored Bored Bored.

Hopefully soon I will get some inspiration to throw up a stupid ass, lame shit blog.

xxx

I Dream...

2005-05-30T08:04:00.000+08:00

8 am on a cold and frosty monday morning.

Just woke up even though i slept less about 3 hrs ago.

I just had the weirdest dream.

And yes, she's in it.

xxx

Both of us are on a bus together somewhere, on of those tour coach types. Everybody on the bus seems to know who we are, and after awhile, they keep refering to me as her "former husband." find it weird, but accept it for awhile, until i caouldn't take it any longer.

Finally i ask her, and in reply, she shows me a page from her blog that has the line: "Oh, I've started divorce proceedings against him."

The funny thing was, I have already known that divorce proceedings against me had already begun, but chose to ignore it.

Very upset, and even in the dream, i can feel the very raw emotion coursing through me. I even cry, and it feels like I am really crying. This was one of those '1st person' dreams (as compared to third-person ones, where there is a sense of detachment).

I jump out of the bus as it is making a u-turn at the entrance to a group of HDB flats.

Than comes the scary part.

I thn cry like a girl, very very loudly. At this point in time in my dream, this was reality. I didn't know i was dreaming; I thought it all real.

I then proceed to act in a way i will never ever act in my real life, not even if the worse thing in the world happens to me.

I drop to the floor and lie down in the middle of the road, just in front of a family car. There is no other thought in my head than to commit suicide. The car misses me at the last minute, and I get up again and jump on the windscreen of another incoming car. My little finger gets caught in the windscreen, but there was no damage at all. I just rolled of the car.

I walked down a grassy slope, trying to push down a small tree so it will fall down on me and kill myself. It doesn't work.

Looking back at the dream now that I'm awake and all, i think it all sounds rather stupid. But it was very very real when it happened. I can clearly remember the overwhelming feeling of just wanting to commit suicide; absolutely no drive to live on. I only wanted to die.

Back in dreamland, i finally whip out my handphone and call her.

I bawl and cry and kick and scream over the phone, asking her to get back to me and asking questions of 'why?"

All i get was things about me having no money and property to my name, and that how i would feel if i were her.

It keeps repeating itslef until I walk to an open aire shopping centre. I walk slowly to the top floor, 4 stories up.

I tear at my shirt, until it is just scraps of cloth hanging together. All the time i'm on the phone, and the same thing keeps coming back to me: I have no property or money to my name.

The best thing (or worse thing, depending on your level of sarcasm at this point; mine is at a high now), everybody around me could see me and clearly new i was in a wreck, but nobody stepped forward to help or calm me down. They all knew I was suicidal and nobody cared.

The last thing i rember before I woke up was i that had reached the edge of the buidling, and was about to kill myself.

xxx

Interpretation? Thoughts? Jokes?

New update!

2005-05-26T12:39:00.000+08:00

on_e_solidrock@hotmail.com says:
n update ur bloggie

xxx

Joel asked me to update so here I am...

Hello everybody!

Update Liao!

xxx

Ok done.

Change of heart

2005-05-24T02:02:00.000+08:00

I have finally awoken.

Thanks to people around me.. who knocked some sense into my head.

So, with all these negativity gone from me, I have decided to change my lifestyle for the better.

I am going to become gay.

XXX

No don't be shocked. :D

I was just joking~

Or am I really?

Muahahaha~

Yes, Just very bored now...

Towards the future!

Another song in my head

2005-05-20T03:55:00.000+08:00

Chorus 1

Baby when you're gone
There's nothing I can do
My tears are falling down
Baby when you're gone

Chorus 2

Baby when you're gone
There's nothing I can do
My world comes crashing down over you
Baby, I said Baby,
Baby when you're gone

Baby when you're gone - The Boredphucks, Banned in da Singapura

No More

2005-05-20T03:25:00.000+08:00

No more hurt no more crazy emotions.

No more.

Now, to get on with my life.

Please stay out of it.

A letter..

2005-05-16T08:34:00.000+08:00

Song in my head: Oasis's Don't go away

Cold and frosty morning there's not a lot to say
About the things caught in my mind
And as the day was dawning my plane flew away
With all the things caught in my mind

(bridge)
I don't wanna be there when you're... Coming down
I don't wanna be there when you hit the ground

(chorus)
So don't go away, say what you say
But say that you'll stay Forever and a day...
in the time of my life
Cos I need more time, yes I need more time Just to make things right

Dear you,

I'm writing this letter because I don't know what else to do. It's 830 am right now on a cold rainy monday morning. A very good time to be asleep, but I can't. I have been awake thinking the whole night, just thinking of you.

I can't bring myself to call you, although I want to very badly.

Oh how I have tried to forget you. I've tried smoking, drinking, busying myself with activities, reading, hanging out with friends, playing the guitar etc etc. But no matter what I do, you're still in my mind. It's been already been about 4 weeks to the day, and I can't seem to get you out of my head.

I go to sleep every night just wishing you were lying by my side. I wake up every morning hoping to see you lying next to me. I go out everyday staring at my handphone, wondering whether I should call you to check on how you are, to tell you where I'm going and that I miss you alot. But I can't bring myself to do it.

Sometimes, I remember the things that we used to do whenever we were together. Holding hands, hugging, talking, playing. It brings a smile to my face, but then I almost cry with the realisation that it will never happen again.

I haven't had a nice cry yet. I don't know why. I just can't. I've tried to, to get over with it. But I can't.

Went on friendster recently. Our picture is still there, so is my testimonial. But somehow, your page has changed. Your status is "in a relationship".

How could you get over me so fast, when I haven't even fully accepted the fact that the most beautiful, happiest thing in my life is over?

Why did you put me in this position? With such a sudden breakup, when things were going so darn well less than a few days days ago?

How am I to live my life now?

There are many many times when I felt like the only way out was to end everything. But I can't, because I can't bear to. Maybe I'm a coward.

Oh how I miss you. I just want you by my side, to have someone to care for; and to care for me. And I want that someone to be you.

Oh how I miss you.

Regretably yours,

Clarence Lim

Reflections of my life

2005-05-12T05:05:00.000+08:00

I have many things to be thankful for.
At the same time, there are also things which I have a semblance of regret.

Song in my head: U2's Sometimes you can't make it on your own

I have reached the crossroads of my life. The threshold of life; where I have reached the end of my youth, and stepping forth into the unkown of an adult's life.

It's going to be about 4 months to army, and after that, 2 years where life for a Singaporean male really begins.
WhereI will have to shoulder the responsiblity of being the eldest son, a provider for my future family, and as an asset to society (and even the world, if i can :) )

Unlike most Singaporeans, I would like to believe that my emphasis is on starting my own family rather than a career. I would love to bring up children, to be responsible for a life (or lives; depending on how 'powerful' i am), to bring them up to be responsible, trustworthy assets to responsibility. I think that would be the ultimate goal that a man can achieve; something worth living for, rather than having a great career and earning lots of money.

Unfortunately, as most of you know, that dream has taken a sudden turn. For the worse or better, only the man above knows. Should I shiftdown, signal right, check for oncoming traffic, check my blind spots and make a U-turn to go back where I was 4 weeks ago, again, only the big traffic police chief in the sky knows.

Sigh.

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts.

What am I going to do with my life after that? I really got no idea. If I don't get into OCS and become an officer in the army, my only career goal would be lost. I got no idea what I want to do in the future. Is that good or bad? Remember the "sunscreen song"? There's a verse that says "The most interesting people I know don't know what they want to do with their lives at 40." Or am I just consoling myself.

Sigh again.

Band stuff has been going downhill too. YMB's performance at Singapore Street Festival 2005 has been cancelled. Sigh. Another "high" brought to a low.

Nothing's going right with my life right now. Luckily for me, my brudders have been there for me, for middle-of-the-bloody-night supper sessions and fishing trips. Without them, I will be bloody swamped with negativity.

Sigh again somemore.

Oh well.

What do you do

2005-05-08T04:19:00.000+08:00

A
What do you do
D
When she turns her back on you
G Csus A
And she takes away your heart your mind your soul

A
You don't understand
D
All the things that I go through
G Csus A
When I have to go on without you

F G
You'ld think that I will survive
F G
You'ld think that I will move on

Chorus
C G
Am F G F ( Fast FAst)
C G
Am F G F

Note to self: i got to change the chords of the verse... sounds weird from chorus to verses
Bridge and Chorus fits very well together

Verse should be soft and sad... leading up to the bridge where distort kicks in, followed by a heavy "climax" at the Chorus, followed by an trailing off at the last F at chorus.

Nice guitar solo after the chorus, starting with a very high note , possibly with a bend and hold at the 14th fret on B string

Work In Progress..

2005-04-18T05:03:00.000+08:00

Regrets

Verse x 4 bars

I've done all I knew you wanted
Every hour minute second of the day
I feel I've done the best for you
Now I feel so lost without you

Bridge x 4 bars

Is this all I will ever have?
Is the end just next door?
Silver moons and sparkling lights on the river face
How can you forget them all?

Verse 2 x 4 bars

She's got a smile that sparkles
That brings light to the my darkness hour
I feel I've done the best for you
Now I feel so lost without you

Chorus x 4 bars

Is it all over girl,
With a simple call and word?
Is it all over girl,
I don't mind being tired
Regrets....
Regrets....
Regrets... (Fade into Solo 1)

Solo 1 x 2 bars

Verse 3 x 4 bars

You never even bother to call
Hanging here on the end of my rope
What will happen when our world comes crashing down
The world suddenly seems too tall

Bridge x 4 bars

Chorus x 4 bars

Solo 2 x 4 bars

Chorus + Solo 3 x 4 bars

Fade off

Regrets....
Regrets....
Regrets....

End

Comments Please

English (and hokkien) for Simpletons 2

2005-03-13T03:35:00.000+08:00

Hi ya kids! Welcome to another Episode of Enlish and Simpletons!

This week, in response to our viewers request, we will do one of the user suggested idioms as well as a hokkien one. As always, we will start of with a recap of last weeks phrase.

How many times have you used Trust (Someone) only as far as you can throw him in the past week? Remember kids, the next time you want to lend money to anyone, check his weight first.

Anyway, here we go to the first phrase of the week. English for Simpletons did some research in the past week (which mainly consisted of playing the guitar and sleeping) to find out what the next phrase meant, so as to help one and all improve their understanding of the English language, a language with many contradictions and lots of room for improvisations.

Don't shit in your own garden - Contributed by Chris

This is the first ever time English has heard of this phrase. The meaning of this phrase might seem very obvious, but as always, with the english language, you have to dig deeper to find out the true meaning.

The common usage of this is when person A needs to go to the toilet urgently, but his plumbing is spoilt. As he lives in a terrace house with his own garden, and seeing his dog doing it regularly, his wife, knowing what person A is thinking of, as wives always seem to know what you intend to do before you do it, uses this phrase to tell person A off.

Actual meaning

Why shit in your own garden when you can shit in your neighbours?

Explanation

Sometimes, when you got to go, you got to go. And, since everything that can go wrong will, of course your plumbing will be spoilt. Remeber the neighbour's dog who always seem to do business in your garden? Now's the time to get back at your neighbour!

Mediation centres? Who cares! Everitt road saga here we go!

xxx

Now, on to the next phrase. Contrary to the normal way we do things, English will be using a hokkien phrase, as suggested by Joel, to break the monotony.

Ai Pia Chia Eh Eiah (hokkien)

This phrase was made famous by the hokkien singer Chen Lei back in the days. It has been, and still is, the favourite of many a Ah Beng. Singing along to this song might be fun, but how can you fully enjoy a song if you don't know its meaning?

Don't Worry! English is here to help!

Actual Meaning

As we all know, loosely translated, the phrase means: Must have sex, then you can win.

Explaination

As we all know, Pia in hokkien means to have sex. To Pia a girl, and so on. Eiah means win. Therefore, Ai, or must have, Pia chiah eh, chiah eh means then can, Eiah.

Put in the context of Clarence's "it's all about sex" theory, this phrase is true.

After all, the better you are at it, the bigger a winner you are. If you do it well, people far and wide will know about it, therefore, putting you in a position where you can attract more people to pia with, making you a winner.

Conclusion

English and hokkien are both complicated languages. Sometimes, you have to put the phrases in context to be able to understand them. The two phrases today can be counted as life lessons for you to follow, to make you a better person etc etc.

Use, and especially follow, them often!

xxx

Sorry if i offended anybody.

Wait, i take that sorry back! This is MY blog! I will write whatever I feel like! Nyeh Nyeh!

English for Simpletons

2005-02-21T23:31:00.000+08:00

Disclaimer:

This series, English for Simpletons, is not part of the government's Speak Good English campaign. This series is intented to explain complicated english phrases to you, the audience, explaining them in an easy to understand context.

Any resemblance to persons or events living or dead is purely coincidental.

xxx

Hi All!

Welcome to another episode of English for Simpletons!

Do you still remember last week's phrase "A bird in hand is better than two in the bush?" Just a recap; Flying solo is better than sharing with your friend. How many times have you used that phrase last week?

Anyway, here we go to this weeks phrase.

Trust (Someone) only as far as you can throw him.

How many times have you heard or read this phrase in shows or books? And yes, I didn't get what it meant either, until recently when we were thinking what to do with this week's episode, in the afternoon.

A common scenario would be when Person A tells Person B about Person C, who had just double crossed A. B, who requires a favour from C, is told by A that "he should trust C only as far as he could throw him"

Actual Meaning:

This phrase means that the stronger you are, the more trusting you ought to be.

Alternatively;

It means that the heavier you are, the more un-trustworthy you are.

Explaination:

The stronger you are, the better you ability to lift and throw a person. Thus, the further you can throw a person, the more you are able to trust him. Therefore, if you are a strong person, you should be able to trust more people than most.

Think about it, how many people are there who dare to cross John Rambo?

Alternatively,

Weight is a major factor in the How-far-you-can-toss-a-guy equation, the heavier someone is, the harder it is for you to throw him a far distance. On the other hand, the lighter people are more easily thrown about. We can thus conclude that lighter people are more trushworthy, and vice versa.

Conclusion

The next time you need to put your trust in someone, you should weigh him or her first. Also, you can go to the nearest gym and train up first before going into the real world, where trust is very important in everything that you do. That way, you would be able to throw the person you want to trust as far as possible, thus ensuring that your trust in that person will go a long way.

Tune in next week for the next phrase!

Remember Ladies and Gentlemen, you can send in new phrase in the
tagboard------------------------------>
, where our team of researcher will help you to find out what that phrase you were wondering about for so long really means!

Use your phrase often!

And keep your pets neutered!

xxx

Thank you for wasting reading this post. As you can see, i'm rather board.

Anyway, if you have any weird phrase, psot them on the tagboard... this phrase kept turning about in my head and i wanted to do something dumb with it, coZ i tot it was a rather retarded phrase.(or is it called an idiom? Oh well, I'm too lazy to change the above mentions now...)

xxx

WE"RE FAMOUS!

2005-02-20T18:30:00.000+08:00

xxx

The Band
Hey, i thot the band performance presented by M3 is great!
One of the best local band i have heard so far.
Too bad i din catch the band's name ( suppose they have one)
and i am not from SP.

20/02/2005
12:53:56
at http://mmsp05contestants.blogspot.com/
Doodle Board

xxx

to F4 and M6
congrats on winning the titles.. i saw u both last night and you both were great.. M3 was very good too.. he is very talented... he's band rocks... M6 Dances well.. for ur info ppl.. salsa means moving only ur hips not ur shoulders thats why the dancers were stiff in their upper bodies but not their lower bodies.. F4 was okay in her talent segment but it was a bit long.. but well she's so cute so is fine looking at her ..LOL.. F1 and F3 were also very good.. Good luck u guys ..

20/02/2005
16:49:43
at http://mmsp05contestants.blogspot.com/
Doodle Board

xxx

Its Y.M.B! "The band" is Y.M.B!

We performed at Singapore Polytechnic's Convention Center on Saturday 19th Febuary 2005
for Mr and Ms Singapore Polytechnic!

(The above was put so that people can find this site when they search for MMSP haha!)

Anyway, it was M3 Immanuel Sirait on Lead Guitars, Jethro on vocals, Derrick on Bass, Jun Ting on drums and Clarence on Rhythm guitars...

Hahahahah!

Your Mother's Band

2005-01-30T03:24:00.000+08:00

"A Lousy band with a lousy singer will get u no where.
A Good band with a lousy singer will get u no where.
An Okay band with an okay singer will still get u no where.
A Good band with a powerrrrrrr singer will... be YMB"

- Homer

xxx

Okay yes, gloating time.

YMB is super power flower shower band.

We've been only together for like, less than a year, but i feel we're improving.

Of course we still got a long way to go.. but life is a bout learning after all.

Thanks Jun Ting, Jethro, Immanuel, Derrick.

And yes, I'm getting sick of Sweet Child too...

xxx

Fight Fight! Fight!

2005-01-27T13:24:00.000+08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the Championship match between Old Muscle guy and 4 young punks! This event is sponsored by Simei Green Condominium!

Its 2am in the morning, and here by the poolside, you are about to see the greatest match ever! So, hold on to your seats as we start the match!

"Ding! Ding! Ding!"

Young punk comes off flying at the bell with a strong "F*ck you"! Old muscle guy swiftly fires back at him, with a F*ck you as well! Oh, i see this is going to be a great fight!

Oh! They are trading vulgarities! They are going at each other so fast I cant make out anything! What speed! What strong words! What vulgarity!

"You are responsible!"

Old guy comes out with a strong word to 4 young punks! Oh yes! THis finally breaks the deadlock! 4 young punks shout something back and blows are exchanged! Oh wow! Old guy punches 1 young punk in the face and his spectacles clatter to the floor! Hey, look there! 3 young punks realise that this is going to be a losing battle, and try to stop 1 young punk! Old guy and young punk sees none of it, and continues exchanging blows! Oh the viciousness! Oh the vulgarity!

"Stop! Stop!"

Ah! A member of the audience cannot take it anymore! She screams for the fight to stop!

xxx

And the referee walks back home...

Power Karaoke!

2005-01-23T04:14:00.000+08:00

POWER SIA!

Its 4 am in the freaking morning and I can't sleep.

And You know why?

Guess.

Guess.

Guess.

Guess.

Guess.

Give up?

Because the idiots a bove me are singing KARAOKE in the fucking early morning at full freaking blast!

Super Power!

And you know what? I'm the only person who can't sleep and have to call the bloody security!

What, the other people around hear die already ah? Or the idiots above put magic spell on them that they cannot hear? Come to think of it, that might be true! Oh die, i sure kena black magic or something, so don't blame me if i suddenly become deaf and cannot hear u.

Wtf they singing so late for?

Nothing to do ah? Or they just bought a new karaoke system?

Hmm... i think it because the owners are not at home..

Their voices sound filipina.. maybe mom and sir not at home, so frisky maid decides to call in all her banglah kakis from the nearby construction site to do some Thrilla in Manila...

Hmm... what is that banging sound i hear? Ah, must be the yellow boots of the guys banging off the floors...

Ah yes.. or maybe its Old and lonely home owner who decides to buy some fun for tonight. Not much money to go karaoke lounge and to book hotel, so hires a whole lot of them to his house for some funny shit..

Hmmm... i wonder...

xxx

Oh there they go again!

BANG! BANG! BANG!

WOOOOOOOOOOOO!

WHISTLE! WHISTLE!

I think i'm gonna go up and shoot them in the balls.

xxx

ARGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!

2005-01-17T01:19:00.000+08:00

ARGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I need to make my blog more attractive! Not enough traffic on my Tag Boards! Arghhhh!

My ego needs feeding! I need to feel clever by having more traffic on my blog! I need ppl to talk about my Blog! Argghh!

Arghhh! Crisis! Crisis!

How? How?

xxx

Should I be like PSLE? Should i go on and on bitching about other ppl? Maybe thats it! Look at her bloody popularity!

Look at her! She kao peh about everything under the sun, free speech with no responsibilty. This one say that one also say! And look at her blog! How many billions of ppl read it, and how many ppl talk about it! Is that the way? Hmmm maybe i'll try it now...

xxx

I'm such a clever boy. Do you know that I've got 232 for my PSLE? Wow! I even got a B for my chinese!

Hell, I even went to Poly after that. (And yes, f*ck you for wondering why i went to a poly instead of a JC)

Top 50% of Singapore's cohort you know! I'm not even in MENSA now. Ha! How smart can that be?

xxx

Does it work? Hmmm... *Increased Tagging on board*

Yes! It does work! Now, to prepare myself for the multitude of hate and fan mail to follow.

xxx

My new year's wish for Democracy..

2005-01-03T02:35:00.000+08:00

hello~!

Finally a post from the r3nce.
Don't mind my typing, theres something wrong with my bloody space bar key... must hit damn hard... so forgive me if got too many joined words.

haha.

So funny.

xxx

Okay, been doing a bit of thinking these few weeks. (reader: "wow! clarence u can think?" r3nce: "fuck u.")

Adam and Joel has been my "wall" to bounce ideas of these few weeks, particularly because of the projects we are doing. We spend more time thinking and discussing other things other than what we are supposed to discuss. Har har!

Anyway, i have since come up with my personal version or interpretation of Democracy (with many ideas stolen from many writers whose books and names i cannot remember)

xxx

Democracy.

Democracy is a word that is thrown about quite easily.

"To build a democratic society".

How many of you out there actually knows what it means?

Is demcracy only about elections? Does it mean that if a country has elections it is democratic? Or is it about free speech? When you can say anything about anybody, can u say that democracy is present? Maybe it is about the will of the people. When major decisions are based on the majority rather than the vocal minority, then there is democracy.

Homework for today: What is democracy to you?

xxx

To me, democracy is about the power of the people to bring about change. Many people talk about the "will of the people" in democracy, but how far, in practice can u carry out that objective? There should be freedom in decision making; there cannot be a scenario where every little decision to be made regarding the people be put to a vot. That will slow down governance of a country and make it inefficient. That is why we elect members of parliament to represent a certain population on certain issues.

There has to be a certain amount of freedom given to the government, and there also should be certain information that the government has the right to withhold, for the sake of national security and such reasons. Once elected, we should give the government, and especially our members of parliament, the full trust that they will hold our interest close to their hearts and act on them.

Members of parliament are supposed to represent the people regarding issues affecting the nation (which is everything in government). They have the right to give voice to the constituency they represent, voicing their grieviances and disapprovals, and voting (in parliament) according to their understading of the constituents feelings. MPs are in a unique position; where they have a much clearer understanding of the government's policies, as well as a very good grasp of the people the government is supposed to serve. Why then, is there a need for the party whip? Where MPs are expected to vote in decisions, not based on their understanding of the constituents and the government, but instead according to the party that they are representing? Shouldn't MPs be allowed to follow this understanding?

In a perfect world, MPs should be independent members of parliament. Their loyalty should lie with their constituents first, to the nation second, and very very very lastly to their respective parties. This is my first new years wish for democracy.

xxx

My second wish is for a viable oppostion. I have no doubt that the present government is a good one. We are all living comfortable lives, with very good access to neccessities, to education, and we have the freedom to choose our religion, our friends, our communities. That is a lot compared to many many other countries. The present conditions in Singapore leaves nothing much to complain about.

But what if this suddenly changes? What if a new government comes into power that cannot maintain this comfort? (Please note: this is a what if situation). Do we have the chance to make a change and say "no!"?

No there is not. There is no viable opposition party in Singapore. There are not enough people out there to move in and make things happen. Just look at the present parliament. Only 2 opposition MPs. That is pathethic.

Maybe, it is not that there are not enough people out there who are smart enough and commited enough to help. Maybe, there is just no chance to. Maybe, i should change my 2nd wish to "a better climate for opposition parties".

I wish that Singapore might one day be like the UK or the US, where there are 2 parties holding more or less equal weight in parliament.

xxx

Maybe i should read more. I'm lazy to complete the second part. Maybe next time.

xxx

PS: This is a refelction post. Please do not duplicate this post without my express written permission. The thoughts here are just that, thoughts, and they are my own. And yes Mr ISD agent, i am not trying to incite anything.

xxx

Food For Thought..

2004-11-23T02:49:00.000+08:00

Just came back from Poly Forum 2004 in Bangkok

Cigarretes were dirt cheap..

Lol When u are bored, u just wanna smoke to cut the monotomy..

xxx

This trip was rather dissapointing. I was one of the very few who actually went there on my own accord, and my purpose was (hopefully) to have an intelectual discussion on the Singapore Political scene with other like minded-youths from a diverse range of backgrounds. Fat hope.

Don't get me wrong. i still enjoyed the trip though. Had fun, little sleep, lots of food, and not much else.

Anyway, i realised that the youths of today are very narrow minded, and if i may say so, rather immature.

Case in point, my favourite poly forum question ever, directed to a parliamentary secretary from the ministry of Communinty Development and Sports (Did i get that right?) : "Is Singapore more in Danger of Rogues generals from other countries who suddenly want to annex Singapore or from JI sleeper cells who are activated by secret messages hidden in commercials?" Deeeeep stuff. Oh, and the most popular question in Poly Forum : "What is the goverment doing for (insert issue here)?"

xxx

I think that is an important issue that i should address. Why is it that Singaporeans are always asking what is the government doing for this or that? Where should the line be drawn, where it becomes a governmental issue or a societal issue?

I think the days where the Government takes care of every part of our lives is over. Society should start taking matters into their own hands; relying on themselves instead of Big Brother.

It worked well in the past. The LKY era. Back then, when we were just the new kid on the block, we needed heavy handed direction. Those were the formation years where the focus was on building the nation; the economy, infrastructure and such. We have now grown up. Our "Childhood" is over, we are now entering into our "teenage" years. This is where we learn to take responsibility for ourselves and not rely on out parents.

That is why i was very glad when the Son took over. In his first ever national day rally, the PM talked about allowing more "freedom"; trying to let Singaporeans take charge of their own lives.

But, this is happening rather slowly. We are still over-reliant on the government. Grow up Singapore!

Case in point: More than one questioner at the forum asked about Government "Safety nets". Isn't it time that we take responsibility for our own actions?

No, I am not condemning helping the disadvantage and under-priviledge. This must not be mixed up with the other issues, which i will touch upon later. It is the duty of the state to take care of those that are not able to do so themselves.

But Entreprenuership? The nature of an entrepreneur is one who is willing to take risk. And by risk, i mean that there is a chance that the entreprenuer might fail. Out of the how many hundreds of successful businessmen and women who venture out into business, there are many, many others who fail.

Should there be a "safety net" to make help those whose business fall flat? I say Yes and No. If you are unable to take care of yourselves after the failure, then yes. Again, the state has a duty to make sure thatthe disadvantaged and underpriviledged are taken care of. But if your business fails, and you are now driving a toyota instead of a Mercedes, then it becomes your problem. Why shoul the state take care of you? Entreprenuership is about taking risk, and risk means that there is a chance of failure.

xxx

Dear ISD member who is reading this blog, i hope you will take note of this point and maybe discuss it with your superior.

Maybe get the PM to state that there should be a line where whatever you do becomes your problem, and not the Government's. We should all learn to take responsibility for ourselves.

Grow up Singapore. Our Childhood days are over. We are now becoming adults. There are certain issues where it is not a government problem anymore.

But, as a teenager does not mature immendiately once he reaches puberty, i understand that it will take time. So, learn Singapore. Make mistakes, learn from them. And don't always expect momma to be there to pick you up everytime you fall.

xxx

Dear Someone..

2004-11-12T04:39:00.000+08:00

(For Background Information Pls visit http://szecheah.blogspot.com and read the Tag board Conversation between "Someone" and "R3nce")

Dear Someone:

I have again read through your tags in my Girlfriend's blog and have reflected quite a bit on it.

I do hope, and am quite sure that, u read this post, because i want to get this off my chest.

First of all, an apology.

I should not have reacted the way i reacted in the tag. Lets just say that it was an emotional response for me, something without much thought.

Also, if i have ever wronged u, for whatever reason, i am sorry.

But, i do wish to know who u are, because i do want to better myself. I know people commit mistakes, sometimes without realising it; we are human after all. But, this should not be an excuse for any wrong-doing. The first step, i guess, is to ask for an apology, and secondly, and most importantly, to find out what is wrong and try to fix it.

That is why i want to know who u are. Saying that i am not of good characted really cuts deep into me; i do strive to be the "best" person for everybody, but again, inadvertently, sometimes i falter. Thus, i do want to know the "what" in the story; what is did wrong, and why u feel it is wrong.

Please, if u decide not to reveal yourself, at least tell me why is it that u call me "of not good character". I have really no idea what wrong have i ever done to u, or anybody, that makes u feel that way about me.

Nobody is perfect but, Oppurtunities sometimes present themselves to clear things up. Eventually, i hope everything will be cleared up though. Let us not have this bad blood between us.

Of course, since u made this public to everyone, especially when its on my own girlfriends blog, u have really shamed and smashed my pride. I really hope that the wrong that i did to u was sufficient enough to warrant this attack on me.

Your Sincerely (and i really mean sincerely)

Clarence

Son's War

2004-11-06T02:44:00.000+08:00

"In peace the sons bury their fathers and in war fathers bury their sons"

-Francis Bacon

The Captain shook his head and let out a deep sigh. He had so many things on his mind, so many problems to solve. No, he wasn’t ready for it. Just yesterday, he had been a Lieutenant in the Company. Just 3 months ago, he had just graduated from the accelerated Officer Cadet Course. And 3 months before that, just a student in the local Polytechnic and an officer in the student Cadet Corps.

But the war changed everything. Like a tornado, the war had swept up everything in its path. Traditional ways had to be abandoned and stop-gap measures put in place. The decree was that everybody above the age of 16 was to report for the war effort. Even females were not spared. Of course, they were given rear-area jobs such as clerks and nurses and quartermaster, and that left all the men, no boys, to fight the enemy.

All of the reserve and active battalions were called up and sent to bring the fight to the enemy. And that left the country itself undefended. And so, some “forward-thinking’ colonel in military headquarters had suggested that they used those who were not in the active battalions for that purpose. And so, the polytechnic and junior college and ITE students were disrupted in the midst of their studies and put straight through army boot camp. The brass did not raise any objections to it, and so had the youths themselves. After all, it was their country they were asked to defend. Their families, their friends, their homes. Their Future.

And thus the Supplementary Corps was formed. Of course, all organizations needed leaders, and a handful of officers from the active battalions were roped in to be the head of this new “fighting force”. Majors and Lieutenants who were injured in the battlefield and unable to fight with the regular forces were suddenly plucked from their units and hospitals and promoted to Colonels and Captains. Understandably, there was not enough officers to go around, and there needed to be active fighting officers on the ground leading the men toward the enemy. And this was where people like the captain had come in.

Some bright idea-ed officer at headquarters had decided that all the cadet officers in the Cadet Corps were to be put into an accelerated Officers Course after the mandatory 2 months accelerated Basic Military Training course. This, he reasoned, was because these men, just boys really, were already in leadership positions, in charge of a military styled organization, and were familiar with handling the weapons and had an idea of the tactics used. Bullshit, thought the Captain. Most of the fellow cadet officers he knew from peacetime were only there because they shouted louder then the rest, and because the teachers in their schools had no one else to send. Leadership? Bah! As long as u could shout louder than the others, you were considered a leader.

Peacetime. That seemed like a millennia ago. The bloody war! raged the Captain to no one in particular. The war had shot everything to shit!

His CO had been shot in the stomach in a night time raid at the Company’s command post. And he, being the most senior of the company’s officers, had been promoted straight up to captain.
His CO, no, EX CO, the Captain corrected, had been one of those regular officers. He was the best officer the Captain knew. He cared well for his men, like they were his brothers. And in a way, they were. He had a younger brother, just 16 years old, in another company just like this one.

But, it did not matter if u were a caring CO or not. The enemy just saw u as a target, and if u were an officer, so much the better.

And so, that was why the newly promoted Captain was in this position. His men, if he could call teenagers that, were all barely trained. They only learned enough to be able to shoot a rifle, and tell which was the enemy and which wasn’t. Their grasp of even small-scale infantry tactics was rudimentary at best, non-existent in some cases. The accelerated training programme had mysteriously left out a physical training segment in it. And this left some unfit men in the Supplementary Corps. Some good officers in the Corps, including the Captain’s CO, had raised this issue up to the brass. They managed to transfer the really unfit ones to rear-area duties, and to implement a minimal Physical Training session into the already crowded daily routine order. The men had to carry out patrols, man defensive positions as well as do the 5BX when they were relieved by the next shift. It was crazy.

The CO, if only he was here to guide me now. The Captain ran his hand over his closely-shaven head. He was too in-experienced for command of an infantry company. And yes, this was an infantry company, not just a collection of barely trained boys armed with rifles. The war had seen to that. Every night in their tents they could hear the booming sound of artillery on the front, some 20 klicks away. Enemy infiltration units had visited the camp, what, 12 times already in the last 3 months. Once, they even had to defend their spot from a company of enemy troops that managed to break through the regular battalion’s lines. These were veterans.

“Sir! The observation post has spotted an enemy platoon in the Eastern sector! They are standing by and requesting instructions.” His Company Sergeant Major stuck his head in and interrupted his thoughts. Just another young man, barely 17, caught up in the damn war.

“I’ll be right there,” the Captain replied. He let out a loud sigh. His troubled thoughts had to wait. He had a battle to run.

The war had come to taunt him in the face.

Chao Chee Bye

2004-11-01T23:51:00.001+08:00

xxx

From :
SSPWS010/SP/SP_SF
Sent :
Sunday, October 31, 2004 2:25:08 PM
To :
rence_@hotmail.com
Subject :
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xxx

Chao Chee Bye!

Fuck Your Mother!

Na Bei!

xxx

Fuck man I think i got a bloody virus. If not, some asshole must have got hold of my bloody password. Either some trojan or somehow.

I Tell u u fucking bastard, If I ever get my hands on u, I Swear i will kick your ass. U all know that I am not a violent guy by nature, I have never ever beat someone in anger. But this time, no such thing holding me back. I Swear I will get u.

If its a virus or trojan, if i find out who the maker is, or who PURPOSELY send it to me, i will hunt ur ass down and punch u in the face. If i'm pissed enough, i will kill u. No, I dont mind the death penalty for this.

U Fucking watch out.

xxx

Arms Tired..

2004-10-27T01:45:00.000+08:00

Wah kao~ Long Time no see eh?

so hello!

xxx

Intro pls

I am 19/m

u?

xxx

For those of u who don't know what I'm talking about, get a life!

xxx

Phew! Its been a millenia since i did push-ups at home, and my arms are bloody aching now~ Push-ups and weights.. so bloody little i do, and yet i'm tired.

Last time, b4 my CLT course, every bloody night i will do at least 40 open arm push ups in a row, just for fun. Then I'll go pump weight like 100 plus each hand. Soompa! not Bloody jokin! Then go CLT course kena Tekan no fucking problem. Now, 1 also difficult!

See thats what happens when u become an instructor instead of the instructee. As an Instructee, u kena tekan chialat chialt. Touch tree come back!Knock it down 6 million!6 million sit ups! Run here run there! So fucking irritating, yet so fucking fit.

And then u become an instructor. noooooo. Its "U! Touch the tree and come back! Platoon! Knock it down 6 million!" and so on and so forth.

But hey, shouting is Tiring ok!

Come to think of it, my fittest time ever was in Sec 3 just b4 specialist course. 100 push ups in a row? no fucking problem! Fuck u Sir!

xxx

Oh well, its fucking time to train. Army's coming. No Regimental Police Private at Tengah Airbase for me. Noooo.... i have to be a bloody officer. Of course, as an officer, aka instructor, u dont have to do what bloody punishment. But when u are TRAINING to be an officer, and when u are TRAINING in BM bloody T to stand out from the crowd, u gotta be the fittest, meanest, leadership-est country-loving fucker in the whole goddamn armed force. So u gotta train your ass off, u pump iron like it is bloody aero-gel, and u got to eat raw meat. Well, unless u're a scholar of course. : )

So i gotta train. Train my ass off. To be an officer. Its my dream man.

xxx

Starting now of course. Its never too late to be fit. Its never too early too. 19 years of training my tummy, well, its gotta end. Good bye my dear tummy! No more stomach for girls to touch anymore! Still got something bigger much lower of course. : )

Anyway, I'm aiming for Airborne course next year in June. Hopefully by then i haven't enlist yet. Why airborne? So i can get used to the army life. Of course, the bloody airborne badge is darn cool as well. hehe.

xxx

Started driving on Monday. Feel like a man now. Now can drive car. Wah! Big boy already! Wah! Well slowly lah. Thanks brothers for teaching me how to drive car. Now, to kick ur collective asses and pass EVERYTHING first time. MUAHAHAHAH!

xxx

So there.

I'm gonna blog some funny shit soon so stay tuned. Got something formulating in my head already. Stay tuned for the next episode of Hamson Man!

xxx

Hope i have the bloody discipline to keep excercising every bloody day. If not running, at least do some push-ups and sit ups.

Btw, u fitness freaks out there, PCC can train muscle?

LOL!

xxx

Blogging about blogs in my blog, the blog which u are reading..

2004-10-11T23:33:00.000+08:00

Weeweet~ Finally a short, hard earned break from project-hell so here i am!

Back to killing viets again these few days with the usual idiots, and back to smashing creeps with the usual idiots too...

For awhile i guess~ Then BAM! back to reality~

xxx

So, feel a thought forming in my head...~

I should channel that energy into my MIA project.. but fuck it man~

xxx

Blogs

Are they meant as personal diaries or as public articles?

The blogging phenomenom is well, phenomenal. Every Tom's Dick is Harry is setting up a blog. I for one, will admit that i (shamelessly) jumped on the Bandwagon. After all, i have said that i blog and update frequently to show that i am "fashionable" rite?

But, there are many blogs out there which don't receive any hits, mine included. Some have said that they do not want ppl to visit their blogs, and try not to publicise them. but then, what is the use of getting a blog if not for your thoguhts to be published?

Many many people have access to the internet. You can find almost anyone and anything there. therefore, publishing on the internet is asking to publishing it in the newspaper, there is a potential for the information to reach out to everybody.

Thus, in the same way that newspaper articles are considered in the public domain, so shoudl the blogs. Therefore, defamation on blogs should be considered libel, as they are published in the public domain.

Whatch your words boys and girls. The internet is a public place. What u say may give u legal implications. If u really want protection, publish in Hi5 or something, as journals. That way, u limit the number of people reading ur defama-tious words, and u can argue that u did not publish it to a wide audience.

Right PSLE?

xxx

I realised through my years of internet surfing that there are 3 main types of blogs

Personal Diaries - Boring stuff. 'Woke up at 10am today and brushed my teeth. My teeth looks a bit red, must be the blood i drank last night. Hmm, wonder if my classmates will notice my longer fangs today. i hope they don't, if not it will affect my peer evaluation marks. Oh yeah, was quite pissed with mandy yesterday. She scolded me a bitch for punching her in the stomach for no reason. Hey, i gotta release my strength somewhere right? Bitch! Hmm gotta go, the full moon is calling me. "
Observations about life - Discussions about stuff, general knowledge stuff mostly."Democracy : What the fuck is that? Can eat one or not? What is democracy? Nope, never experienced it. To build a democratic society, they said. But then, is it just No action talk only?"
Full Metal bullshit - Stuff that is designed to provoke a laugh " Did you know that one plus one equals 3? Serious! it is scientifically proven!"

Hmm... so which ones get back the most readers?

xxx

Deadbeat R3nce

2004-09-26T22:10:00.000+08:00

Tired tired tired..

Its been about a week since my last post, but too bad gonna make u wait again haha~

Brain's turned off ("what brain" u say.. see i know u will say that)...

Oh well... to the next episode then!

An ode to the ciggarette..

2004-09-17T01:05:00.000+08:00

I've decided to stop smoking for a month. realised i'm getting a little addicted to it, which is not a good sign.. so, giving myself a month to clear my system. Wanna quit, but realistically, thats not really possible. Decrease, yes, but quit fully, nope.

xxx

Realised that poems are in fashion nowadays, (refer to PAP's ode to Mr Goh during parliament...)

So here goes one...

xxx

An ode to the Cigarette
-by Clarence Lim

We started of in the strangest of circumstances
with the anti smoking campaign video shoot as the back drop
and the camera as our witness

You made me spit at the start
But when i got used to u,
i started to swallow

You perk me up when i am lethargic
even more so then garlic

You make me mad
When i am sad

And i can't think of anything that ryhmes with that

When i wake up in the morning,
I here u calling
Smoke me!
Smoke me!

When i don't,
u make me boring

But now its time to let u go
The nicotine is making my system go out the window

I am getting dependent on you like US cows to corn
Or even J***ro to porn

So
Leave me now oh cigarrette
Let us part our separate ways
And and leave it all to fate

Because my dependence on you is getting worse
And it might lead me to the hearse

Begone my favourite Dunhill Menthol Lights,
and even my Malboro Lights,
For the future is not bright

At least for a month

xxx

kekek~

Sorry J***ro, kekekek

xxx

There u go Ivan, (or Janzel... keke)
I AM fashionable...

xxx

Poems~

2004-09-17T00:58:00.000+08:00

An old post i put in hi5.com

btw, u can add me at hi5 at http://www.hi5.com/i?l=U4SHS17D

this was published on 5-26-2004 9:26 AM

xxx

Looks as if more and more people are writing poems into their journals.. so here's three of my own.. as they say, poems are about feeling.. so..

Chee Bye Lah
I am very sian now.
Kanina,
The moon is so high in the sky
Exactly the opposite of what i'm feeling

x

The sound of the ocean waves crashing on the beach
The calming colours of the evening sky
The feel of the wind through the grassy hills
Has no effect on me as i am indoors

x

Your eyes
They are the colour of the deepest blue
Your eyes
They sparkle like the brightest diamonds
Your skin
Is as flawless as the rarest emeralds
Your legs
Go on as long as the longest rivers
Your smile
Melts the hardest of stones
You are
Just a model in www.playboy.com

xxx

HAHA~

XXX

Pseudo-Intellectual Rantings part 2..

2004-09-09T01:38:00.000+08:00

Was thinking about this stuff when i was walking home just now.... among other stuff..
Thinking about this since this
---------------------------------------->
sparked me off. so here i go..

xxx

The internet is known for its anarchist-like qualities; almost totally unsupervised and un checked, with anybody having a bone to pick with anybody else having his or her say, and doing so without the normal restrainst of civilised, polite society. Whats more, the internet is almost totally anonymous; u can say anything and do anything u like online without the need to take responsiblity for your words.

In the internet, there is a place for thoughts and ideas to be published without a need for editing or political-correctness. What's more, these thoughts can be published to a relatively much wider audience as compared to say, a trade publication or academic journal. Like this article for example, if i were to submit it to sound big-time magazine or anything, it will be shot to hell and back~ No references, lousy ass spelling, half past six grammar, and going on and on and on. But u, the reader, hif u have reached this point, have just proven my point, Yes?

Singapore is a country where discussing politics is a no-no. (uh oh, OB marker is nearing. grinZ). There is almost no talk of politics in the news media, and if there is, there i rarely ever articles devoted to the political scene in singapore, and especially critique of the government.

However, websites about Singapore politics have been popping up over the decade, most (conveniently) located overseas.

Now, the question is, is the internet good for the political scene or not?

Of course, again, the internet has undesirable qualities. For example, i would most likely expect a 14 yr old kid with internet access to post comments like "PAP sucks" or "WORST.PARTY.EVER" on a serious politcal site. There might also be websites devoted entirely to criticising the government just for the sake of criticising.

However, i beleive that the anonymity of the internet, as well as the "free and open" publication nature of the internet will help singapore in the end. Of course, there is always a possiblity of abuse of these two attributes, but seriously, what thing in the world cannot be abused. Even something as sacred as religion can be used for not-so-good means (I'll save this for another post. Keke). Look at my own blog for example. I ever my previous piece on democracy in singapore is ever sent for publication in the real world, it will be shredded and shoved, and might even make me labelled a threat to society or something.

The internet is a good place to look for and think about alternative news and articles. Reading up on many of these website (though i wont profess to be a regular at all) opened up my mind to the "Real" Singapore.

So there.

useful sites
http://www.singaporedemocrat.org/
site about the party headed by Dr. Chee (yes, stop sniggereing). Useful articles on the media and stuff the "Government doesn;t want u to know about". lol~
http://www.singapore-window.org/
More objective news.

so there

Read up peeps.

Comments pls.

Oh yeah, my below disclaimer still applies.

xxx

I miss my girlfriend... come back to me! come back!

An ego trip..

2004-08-27T01:37:00.000+08:00

Dislcaimer: Dear readers, if u are adverse to the truth, and have a hard time reading about facts, please click on this link http://www.talkingcock.com. So, before u carry on, please get yourself a glass of water. Pregnant women and children below the age of 18 are not allowed on this ride as they may get dizzy from vigourously nodding their head too much.

Take an Ego Trip with Clarence...

Point One : Clarence is Hamson.

As you all know, I am hamson. Nope, not handsome, not hansom, not ham-sap. Its spelled H-A-M-S-O-N. Check it out in the dictionary. Go. The meaning of hamson is

Hamson (verb) ham.son. : 1) A word of or describing Clarence Lim Jie Ming.
2) To be ten times more good looking then the next male
3) To be the object of men's envy, and women's fantasies
4) To be a sex symbol

So there u go. Finally i have explained what does Hamson mean. And u guys have been wondering what the fish i was talking about all along. So, anyway, just to reiterate the point, i ams hamson. There you go.

Point Two: Clarence is the sexiest guy on the planet.

How many guys do you know that have a one-pack, super white skin, muscle-less arms and a bald head? Do you know how sexy that combination is? My god, even i'm getting turned on just by typing that.. aren't you too?

Point Three : Clarence speaks the best English

Is u knowing how good is my england? feeweet, super power sia my england is. Spewring is one of my strengst.. u see, u gif me any werd i also know how to spewl it. My grammar also is very the goods. Ai seh man.. when i is speaking, every bodies cannot understanding what i is saying, because my england is so powderful that they words no enter ears. Do you knows what i is talking about? Yes~

Point Four : Clarence is the best comedian i have ever heard

Wah seh. My jokes are so damn funny. Sometimes, they are so funny that u don't even understand them. Whats more, i can tell them with a straight face. Take this for an example : Question : What is One plus One? Answer: Three! Funny rite? Rite? oei! Rite? Rite? oei!!!!! answer leh! Rite? OEEEEEEEEEIIIIIII!

xxx

So there you go... i is boring now... the reason i wrote this is... for no reason at all. Just want to keep up the impression that i am a cool guy that blogs often... i am fashionable. Yes?

xxx

Oh well, dun forget to tag on my board... Thanks to dear jessica for helping me on that keke...
The reason why i blog often and check back my pages are the Tagboard.. without it got no reason to blog... i wont be able to see reactions,..... so... tag away muthafuckas~!

ps: thanks dear for the tagboard....

xxx

Murphy! Murphy!

2004-08-26T08:50:00.000+08:00

http://www.murphys-laws.com/murphy/murphy-laws.html

There's actually a website dedicated to the most famous law of them all. In fact, there are many variations to its origins and the proper phrasing...

My favourite : If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway

And my own interpretation : Even if u plan and rehearse everything perfectly, someone will come along and fuck it up for u.

Yes?

xxx

So.. today was one day i really looked forward to..

MM day auditions, with your mother's band. (No i'm not scolding u, it really is the name. well, maybe it was meant to scold u too.... muahaha)

Practices like siao, saturday practice, sunday practice, tuesday practice... at home alone also practice.

And u know what? After staying back for 3 hours after class, just to wait for the auditions, we were told that the auditions were FUCKING CANCELLED.

FOR FUCK??

Because of a lack of proper organisation, the venue was booked only till 4pm. After that, SP band was to use the auditorium. Whats more, the Lecturer in charge had gone home, and couldn't do shit.

FOR FUCK??

Because the lecturer had things to do at home? . hmm... maybe he had to retrieve his brain from where he last left it. or... maybe he just was too fucked up to give a shit. Aha~ maybe it was just unfortunate that he went home, not knowing of the problems that his club was facing.. and it was all just a simple misunderstanding... hmmm.. Of course, there was nothing that could be done, except cancel the event and sit down and brood.

FOR FUCK??

Sit down and brood? Cancel? how about alternative venues? Is SP that small? Convention center? Vanda room? Food court 5? Oh yeah i forgot, they all require Lecturers to book them, and the lecturer in charge is not there. How about other lecturers in the school? Hmm.... other Lecturers? What is that?

xxx

I think that there is a reason for us taking Issues and Crisis Management. This is a crisis. And the organising Committee failed the test terribly. Check once, check twice, check again until it is confirmed. Problems? Think on the spot, make descisions, try your best to make things work. Give up only when all alternatives and paths are thouroughly exhausted, no matter how against then norm they are.

xxx

Dear organising commitee of MM day,

I just want to thank you for the wonderful job you did at the auditions today. Without today, i would never fully understand Murphy's Law. It also made me realise how relevant and important modules such as Issues and Crisis management are, and how good organistion is very important for the success of the event. It also showed me why PR is so important; at the end of the day, u need to communicate effectively to your publics. Of course, this event might help me in my studies, as a case study for crisises.

Thank you.

Yours faithfully,
Your Mother's Band Member

xxx

* This are my own thoughts. I am fucking Tulan now, and if u want to bring up a disciplinary case against me for this, you are fucked up. If u not happy about this, u are fucked up. If you want to comment on this negatively, you are fucked up. Of course, if u arrive at this page, u accept my terms and conditions, which is written somewhere in Post no. 2. So. Fuck off if u are unhappy with this post.

xxx

*Note to self, I need to get myself my own proper Distortion Pedal.

Sunrise 2004

2004-08-22T23:28:00.000+08:00

Anybody watched the rally?

Oh well, i really do have high hopes for Singapore now that the son has taken over...

blah blah blah diverse views blah blah blah

Finally!

PS: Anybody saw the fly in the ear scene? it was hilarious! lol!

Material Man!

2004-08-19T15:49:00.000+08:00

My material wishlist

Fuck off if u think i'm materialistic... muahahahahaha!

1. A new computer, at least 3 gHz, with a badass graphics card, hell lot of ram and other cool stuff

Hey, a mans gotta have a badass com eh? For doing school work and research. Remember, a com is mainly used for school work and research...

2. Battlefield Vietnam Original!

Why the hell would i get a badass computer if i dun play battlefield vietnam? oh yeah.. school work and research.. behave yourselves now boys and girls..

*There's something about "ride of the valkryies" blaring out of loudspeakers fixed to your assault chopper, while u are blasting the to bits the vietnamese landscape and strafing charlies that appeals to the primitive side of me....

3. Creative Zen Touch

Ipods are ugly, expenive and ugly. Did i mention ugly?

4. Korg Multi FX pedal

Me, the Great guitar god, needs great equiptment. Of course, i can still produce heavenly music without one, but hey, i deserve one. Muahahahahaha!

And, since i'm at it.....

5. 6 million dollars

Why 6 million and not more? Dunno, my favourite number... haha~ can always get more when the 6 mil is used up. I'm a guitar god remember?

6. A Porshe 911 GT3

Hey, i gotta have a cool car to ferry my money to the bank rite?

7. An brand new Huey Attack Chopper, with loudspeakers and Record player attatched

DIE CHARLIE! DIE! MUAHAHAHAHAH!

8. The Death Star

"Luke, I am your father." Hey, after blasting vietnam and communist shit off the face of the earth with my Huey, i gotta have something else to do rite? Good by Yavin 4... or is it Hoth? oh who cares..

9. A lollipop

Mummy i want sweet-sweet!

10. The world

Hey brain, what are we gonna do tmr nite? Same thing we do everynight pinky, try to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

Muahahaha!

Hmm, come to think of it, i dont really need this in my wishlist. I can do it myself with my trusty Huey and Wagner and his Valkyries.

xxx

More to come, after i finish taking over Vietnam.

Oh fuck, Deploy flares! AA missile from the left! Bank rite!

*Tun Tun Tun Tun-Tun!*

Muahaha! DIE CHARLIE! DIE!